Mother

Author: Anam // Filed Under: Family, Life, Relationships 3 Comments »

While surfing through the channels, I stopped on a Pakistani channel ARY that has the morning show – Good Morning Pakistan. Usually I don’t get the time to watch it daily but I do try to watch it when I can. Today’s show is dedicated to Mothers. A mother whose child was taken away from her husband and in-laws because all her children so far had been girls and not boys. The third child, the little girl of six days was sold by her father and the mother was kicked out of the house. Hearing this mother’s story and her appeal to the people who ‘bought’ her to let her see her child just once, to return her child to her. Being the sentimental person that I am, crying my eyes out and angry at myself for being part of a world where such people exist. Is this really the world I live in where a daughter is not wanted?

Daughters are not a burden, rather they are a blessing.  Daughters are without doubt a great blessing from Allah. They are a means of salvation and a path to Jannah for their parents. The Holy Prophet has stated that when a boy is born, then he brings one Noor (light) and when a girl is born, then she brings two Noors. It has been narrated in a Hadith that the Holy Prophet has stated that if parents are kind and generous towards their daughters, then they will be so close to the Holy Prophet in Jannah, like one finger is to the next. He also stated that the person who is faced with hardship due to his daughters, and is patient, then his daughters will be a Purdah (curtain) between him and Hell. How can we think that a son is needed to carry on the family? I feel sad for the men and families who don’t consider a women a mother until and unless she she bores them a son. I pity them. A mother is a mother regardless of what the sex of the child is.

I’m a daughter too. It breaks my heart to think that my father may not want me because I’m a female. Would I have been sold too? Would I have been unwanted? Who are these humans to judge if I’m worthy of this world or not?

Then there are those unfortunate people who have their parents, their mothers with them but they don’t value them. Paradise lies at the feet of your mother – that’s what Islam teaches me. No mother will ever want to harm her child. Our fathers can give us good education, but only our mother can give us unconditional love and never ask for anything in return. Only she can stay up all night to make sure we sleep a peacefully at night. Only she will go hungry for days to make sure her children have been fed. Only she will wear old ripped clothes to make sure her children have been given new clothes. Only she will continue to smile through her sorrows to make sure her children never see her pain. Only she will continue to pray for her children even if they are disrespectful towards her. Only she will defend her children to the world even when she knows her child is wrong. Only she will fight the world for her childrens’ rights. Only she will hear what her child’s heart is wanting to say. Only she will read her child’s eyes with one look. Only she will see the pain that none in the world will ever see. Only she will protect her child from any harm that may come. Only her prayers will take the child above and beyond anything in the world!

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine – she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights.  ~Terri Guillemets

It absolutely saddens me to think that I’m part of the world where children do not value their parents and then the parents who do not value their children either due to their sex or because of any disability. I pity those men who blame the women for such ‘issues’ of their children. I pray that God shows you the right path and makes you realize what sins you are committing by not accepting your children. YOUR children!

I’m blessed to have parents who have been my strength through every step of the way in my life. I’m blessed to have best friends who love me, care for me and treat me as their child. I’m lucky to have not one but two mothers in my life [no, my father doesn't have two wives! I just have two mothers!].  I have always believed and said that I’m proud to have a person in my life who in-spite of their own issues always listen to my problems, advises me, mothers me, loves me, yells at me, cries with me and laughs with me. Shares my every sorrow and happiness as her own. She gives me hope when I have no hope left within me. She forgives me each time for hurting her. That’s what a mother does. She is my mother and I’m proud to have her in my life because not every person so lucky to have someone so beautiful inside and out in their lives. She inspires me every moment – is the reason for my smile and is the reason for my such positive outlook on life.

Love you moms. Blessed to have you both in my life and blessed to call you my mom. Forever & Always.

My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.  I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.  ~Graycie Harmon

A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self.  And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.  ~Victoria Secunda

A Smile..

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Attitude, Feelings 12 Comments »

A smile, the language that even a tiny baby understands… so simple yet so profound for it really really changes so many things .It makes a path in difficult situations, it clears the awkwardness of a first meeting, it helps cool down a situation that is heating up….in other words its just a curve that sets so many things straight :) Some one so rightly said “A smile is a light in the window of the soul, indicating that the heart is at home.”

A couple of weeks ago I decided to start an experiment within myself, based on something I had read . To wake up each day with a smile , not just an empty curve on my lip but a real smile from deep within my heart…. one that reflected in my eyes , just to simply enjoy the joy of being alive…I decided to forget the pain of the difficult situations life keeps throwing my way and to smile through it all…A smile that came from the deep recesses of the heart …one that involves your eyes, your expressions and keeping that feeling going right through the day. Automatically you find that your lips are curving upwards all the time . To then go back to bed smiling for having been able to sustain that smile right through the day.

Weird though the experiment seemed , its funny how I find my attitude, outlook, and mood changing day by day. The forgotten little things from years ago that made my heart happy, started making me smile again. I find myself more patient, the day seems brighter and I find people find me more approachable :) . I sense a new ability in my life to face anything with a smile, a loss of fear, an inner confidence that keeps me calm n happy . I see more goodness in the people around me and I find forgiving and accepting comes easier as well.I see that I can smile through my tears too …. something that makes even pain bearable.

A smile , it may be the only ray of sunshine that someone may see today, a smile, that may be the only word of encouragement to someone else , it may just brighten up someones mood, give someone hope,change someones attitude for better… A smile that can win so many friends.It can decrease the distance between two strangers..it can show someone you care, it can make someone feel cherished and wanted….Smile because it gives you wonderful memories to cherish…..Smile for you never know , you maybe changing someone’s life .

So go ahead n be generous with your smiles , not just to others but to yourself as well and see how it changes things around you :) Smile and create a chain reaction around as its simply contagious , relieves stress, makes you more attractive and definitely keeps your mood upbeat !

Keep smiling :)

Two Years..!

Author: Anam // Filed Under: Friends, Random Thoughts 9 Comments »

Its been two years since Saanams Mind was discussed as just an idea, which turned into reality within days. I still can’t believe its been two years but nevertheless it has been amazing journey of two years that have only made our friendship even stronger than it already was.

Most people are shocked when they realize this site is run by a Pakistani & an Indian. What’s there to be shocked about? We’re people who do not see any borders between us. We are two individuals who have great respect for other religions as well as cultures. Individuals who have learned so much from each other and those around us. We have gone through many ups and downs in the past five years that we’ve known each other but our friendship has only grown stronger, Alhumdulillah.

I’d like to thank all those who’ve been our continuous source of support whenever we’ve been down starting with our closest friends Shona, Madiha & Rohit (jiju). These three people along with Saanj di have been my strength, my reason to smile each day. Without them,  I can’t imagine what my life would be like. Thank you guys for always being there for me and always keeping me sane!

As per our little ritual, we always give our site a new look on our anniversary. We do realize it’s a bit late this year as our anniversary is on June 27th. However, due to some personal circumstances we decided to wait before we decide to ‘celebrate’ our anniversary. Our anniversary is also very special as it’s the day an angel was born – Shona. We are truly blessed to have her in our lives. I wouldn’t like to say too much right now about her, we’ll do her birthday celebrations soon, Inshallah. Look forward to her birthday celebrations on our site :)

Thank you to all the readers and the silent visitors who continue to visit our site.

Here’s to many more years of Saanams Mind, Inshallah and of course many more more beautiful years of friendship!

Cheers!

Anam

Changes

Author: Anam // Filed Under: Random Thoughts 2 Comments »

We are in the process of changing lots of things on our site(s) so please do bear with us while we work on those changes.

Thanks,
Anam & Saanj

An imprint in my mind

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Feelings, Random Thoughts, Relationships 2 Comments »

“A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever.”

I feel its clutches holding me by my neck, clutching my heart so strong that I feel the pain in every fibre of my being…I shut my eyes to see it all happening behind my closed eyelids, I try and divert my mind by reading the book and the pages reflect it for me to read, I stare at empty space blankly, my mind refusing to let me do anything creative, there it is , the voice, the events the words and images haunting me and making my eyes wet.

Memories, while happy ones are the ones I cherish and those which bring a smile to my lips, the painful ones are the ones that resurface more often , leaving dampening trails of desruction not just on my cheeks but in my heart, in my mind, in my life and my enthusiasm of living life.Ever heard of anyone dying of heart break????? I wonder how I still breathe.

Wish the mind was like a blackboard, pfft a duster run over it n the mind clean n new , to use again, new memories to be made. the old ones just wiped out as easy as that :) While a cheerful disposition and a smiling face wins you so many ‘so called’ friends how many do really take the trouble to look within and understand that within you there is a person just like any other battling and struggling not to allow negativity and the harshness of the world affect n drag them into misery …. How many do really care to take the time to help n pull you up to remind you the world is not such a sad place .

Memories….bitter n sweet…. sometimes making me laugh so much that I cry tears of joy, sometimes something that just does not allow me to look at the sunshine or smell the fragrance of roses. Something that just colors my life to such an extent that my whole perception of looking at life , looking at people changes according to them.

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”

We are TWO :)

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Random Thoughts 5 Comments »

Happy Anniversary to us :) !!!!!

Okay, we have been around for 2 years now and we want to thank the readers who have been encouraging us to write our thoughts , feelings and helping us vent here too :)

Thank you for being around for 2 years …we have a new look planned for the site n hope to come up with it soon .Till then keep visiting n commenting as we enjoy having you here with us sharing our thoughts .

With Love
Anam n Saanj

Ego Vs Self worth

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Attitude, Life, Random Thoughts No Comments »

Self worth and Ego… when you look at any religion, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam or Zen philosophy we are taught that Ego is what leads one to downfall and that one should give up that sense of themselves and give themselves up completely to the higher force…Yet when you read the innumerable self help books in the market now and the words of the modern spiritual teachers , you are asked to have a sense of self worth , a sense of respect for yourself and only then can you give the same to the world. Conflicting thoughts wouldn’t you say????

As I see it what is required of us is actually a better understanding of ourselves, that according to the modern day Life Gurus is the key to liberation.And to have better understanding of ourselves we need recognize our strengths and take a little pride in what work we do or who we are. Now wouldn’t that be developing an Ego .Yes , maybe it is but Ego is necessary, its just that there is a very thin line between having a sense of self worth and having an inflated Ego. Notice I prefix the word ‘inflated’ and that exactly is what makes an otherwise necessary Ego, a major setback to personal growth.

The definition of EGO says “The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves” and also “An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.” I would say there is a thin line but a definite distinction between the two … EGO n a Bloated EGO.

To have self worth or Ego means to understand yourself and just being yourself every minute of the day, doing what is right , what you consider right and maybe even standing up for the injustices meted out not just for those around you, but to you as well. Acknowledging your strengths but recognizing your weakness as well and accepting them as who you are…. Once you do it you fall in pace with the rhythm of life .. you develop self worth, a confidence for you to understand the uniqueness of the creation that is you. So yes having an ego is necessary because it gives you your own identity among a sea of people. To become self aware …that is what Buddhism calls it.

And then there are times you see a person who feels the whole universe revolves around I,me , myself.He cant be wrong for he is always right. There cant be anyone better than him for he is “the blessed ” one. “the perfect” specimen of human beings….That is the Bloated Ego and that is what the ancient philosophies suggest one to give up on.That sense of importance .This trait that is detrimental to one’s growth because in that person’s mind they already have evolved to be perfect so where is the room for improvement?

The trick I guess would be to recognize that thin line between self worth n a “bloated”ego and try and make your ego work FOR you instead of allowing it to work ON you.

My teardrop..

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Feelings, Relationships 3 Comments »

My teardrop speaks of a million things…… of memories that are kept n cherished in my heart , of laughter shared over the years , of the pain I carry in the heart, of the courage you gave me when I needed it the most, a sense of belonging when I most needed to belong, the strength that you instilled in me to go on ….the moral support that you were for many years, the encouraging hand that helped me discover and hone my talents.

My teardrop…it speaks of the happy moments spent with you…the laughter that we shared, the inane jokes that we cracked and laughed about, the understanding that we shared, the easy friendship when you cared. It speaks of each smile that you gave me ,of happy thoughts I treasure in my heart .

My tear drop also speaks of pain, each time I cried when you needed my prayers, each moment that I have been away from you, each time that you were unwell, each incident that kept you apart from me, each moment when you became a stranger again , each misconstrued thought that pulled us apart, each moment that renewed the pain again.

My teardrop speaks of the pain of losing a loved one, it speaks of the hope that I have for tomorrow again, it speaks of each moment I spent recalling the past, it speaks of my dreams I have for the future, it speaks of each memory I carry in my heart, it speaks of each prayer I ask for you, of each wish that I wish for you.

My teardrop…. it just speaks of a million things…. Are you listening????

Jealousy.

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Attitude, Feelings, Relationships No Comments »

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” Robert A. Heinlein

Jealousy… is such a strange emotion, and often leads to a plethora of other emotions, such as rage, or downright hate.Jealousy is an enveloping emotion, and it consumes those who are unaware of its presence… Why am I talking of this emotion?I have often heard people say a bit of Jealousy is healthy for it shows the partner you care for them or just pushes you to do better than the other, but to me, there has been no positive repercussions of jealousy in anyway at all.

Many individuals are incapable of seeing the reason why a specific individual would remain loyal to the promises that they have made in regard to a relationship. They allow past wounds to remain open for far too long and it negatively effects any chance that a new relationship has to develop into a positive permanent connection. So in what way would Jealousy be positive here ?

When a person becomes jealous of the things that have yet to even occurred, the foundation of the relationship is no longer secure.Acting upon emotions that do not have factual foundations will always cause discord in a relationship.Jealousy is a control mechanism used to make people feel obligated to remain loyal.

Many people lie to themselves about the nature of their jealousy. They will make excuses for their behavior and then justify them in their own minds. Unfortunately this justification does not allow personal or emotional growth.Jealousy can consume and control a person if they allow it to be so.It takes commitment to combat jealousy in your your daily life and you must always try to keep it in balance. When we have jealousy its something that isn’t very pleasant and surely can ‘t make us pleasant. It will show our ugliness, meanness rear its ugly head.Jealousy can give you a very lonely existence if you don’t keep yourself under tight control.

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy — in fact, they’re almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil…” Robert Heinlein

Just a thought

Author: Saanj // Filed Under: Feelings, Life, Random Thoughts 3 Comments »

“Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end. It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant — even your gender and skin colour will be irrelevant. So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured? What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence, but your character.What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.”

Is what we run after in this world really worth the tears we shed in our lives.Shouldn’t we focus more on who we are and what we give, how we treat others more importance than the money we earn, the petty issues we have of racism , differences between caste, color, creed, religion . Isn’t everything so so superficial??? Shouldn’t we focus more on being a good memory , a warm feeling in the hearts of the people we knew when we are gone. Can we set our Ego, possessiveness and greed aside and live with just the intent of doing as much good as we can to as many as we can? Can we strive on hurting less people and on just being good n make people feel good and leave a good memory as a mark on each one???

If only we looked a life in such a simple way….if only we focused on the larger good that each one stands to gain from , the little deeds that brightens hearts … wouldn’t the world be a much more beautiful place to live in????

Just a thought…