Saanams Mind

Shhhh……shhhh…..shhhhh….. quiet ….. do you hear that ??? The beautiful sounds of……. Silence ???

They say silence does for your mind what sleep does to your body…. relaxes, strengthens and helps grow. But how many of us today run from silence just because most are afraid of silence. So much so that given a moment of silence we turn the Tv on or switch on the music or just move in to where there are people around.

For me a few moments of silence to myself is what I look forward to each day. With two kids running around the house all day, being noisy, I find silence a rarity and look forward to the few moments I snatch to myself after everyone leaves home in the mornings.I find it therapeutic, a time I can get in touch with my self and innermost thoughts, helps me keep my calm and delve into my deepest feelings . Absolutely doing nothing,no noise, no Tv, no music no people, just ‘being’ .Me and my thoughts all by ourselves….making peace with myself. I find it emotionally strengthening and cleansing.I find my creativity blossoming.

I had been to a meditation camp years ago when I was going through some tough moments of my life and I remember what scared me the most the first few days. It was in an ashram away from the city,in complete isolation, no communication with the outside world, no phones no Tv, no music. Just me and a few basic necessities . Nature and a few animals and a few people, also to do the same excercise as I was doing. The first two days were so miserable because I had to come to terms with a lot of issues working on my mind. There was no where to run to, no where for me to hide from my thoughts which were extremely unpleasant as I was dealing with one the worst phases in my life. It took me two days of extreme frustration, tears, anger , sadness and some happy feelings to accept and learn to make peace with silence. It took me the whole duration of the camp to accept the person I was and look within me to recognise my strengths and weakness.I learnt to make peace with myself and accept myself, faults, mistakes and all.

Why are we afraid of silence? I guess its the thought of facing our thoughts that makes us afraid of being alone in silence. One finds that often a person who has accepted himself, one who is at total peace with himself is someone who is not afraid of silence.In our everyday life we face up to so much noise, roads are noisy, people are noisy, Tv is on most of the time and we have so much of a sensory overload that our we are exhausted mentally. I guess ultimately one has to seek silence by discovering the power of oneself and looking within oneself to make peace with who you are .

`

Have been going through a lot of fleeting thoughts in my mind and sometimes just wonder hmmm do others go through the same as I do Most of us go through the motions of life on auto pilot… do what others expect of you, behave in a manner expected of you and do exactly as society dictates. Do you like me feel like saying to hell with everything and following what your heart says and asks of you?

I just wonder why are we in this world? To what purpose do we run this mad mad rat race, get involved in messy family politics or office politics. Why do we rely on someone else to make us happy and get a smile on our face? Why do we often fail to recognize the strengths in ourselves and constantly seek approval from others. Why do we doubt our own abilities?

All our lives we invest so much time in collecting so many things for ourselves and our homes, materially collecting so much failing to realize one day when we leave we just leave all of it behind.We also invest time in people, only to be told off when they are done with you. In the bargain we forget to invest time on developing ourselves as good human beings and looking for goodness in others. We get so used to looking at everyone’s actions with suspicions that a fairly innocent good deed looks like something done to get something out of you. Sad don’t you think . Why not do good for everybody and anybody without giving too much thought to who they are to you.

I keep looking around and see such stressed out, sad faces around me .Even kids these days look so harassed all the while except maybe when they are toddlers. Whatever happened to taking happiness in little things, smiling often and just doing things to make another smile? Does it take so much time that one cannot afford that time to make someone happy ??

Somewhere I see myself getting stifled and suffocated by all this. I feel I need to break loose and set myself free. Walk away and never look back. Just feel like doing something drastic. Just feel like travelling learning more , about myself, about people, studying minds, why they work the way they do.Feel like working at making people happy, making them smile atleast for a moment , to forget whatever is bringing frowns to their face……. Is it me ? or do you see it too?

After 3 & a 1/2 years of waiting for her parents approval to marry the man of her choice, a cousin went ahead with the marriage without her parents consenting to it. In the earlier years one would probably elope and get married but she did have a wedding in a temple and the reception in a grand way. On the other hand the groom’s parents agreed to the alliance and were very much a part of the happy couples grand day. Who lost out on it in the end? Who will always carry the bitterness of not attending their child’s marriage.?

I wonder in today’s day and age why do people still have so many hang ups about inter community marriages. Wouldn’t it be wiser to seek happiness in your kids happiness? I feel sad when children’s happiness is pushed aside for the fear of what people might say. Does the society bail you out when you are in trouble? Or does society support you when you need it the most? Why would you allow society to dictate that your children’s happiness should be with someone from the same community?

I remember when it was time for me to get married my mom had given me the choice of choosing my life partner and her trust in my decision making ability kept me away from finding someone for myself. But I still appreciate the fact that mom felt I could be trusted to make my decisions myself. As a mother myself now I often wonder how I would react to my kids choosing their life partners.

In my thinking, I feel parents ultimately want their kids to have a hassle free , happy life. If the child sees it in someone they choose , they should be respected for their decision and allowed to build their relationships.

In the yester years when we followed rigid rules of our community , its understandable that parents were concerned regarding adjustment issues, but today the world is a global village, everyone travels and cultures have blended together to make life easy for the global traveller. In this day and age are the same old arguments valid? And if the couple love each other enough, wont they go the extra mile to make sure they adjust to each other.

So why do parents who want their children happy sometimes say no to meeting boy/girl’s parents simply basing their displeasure on the fact that they don’t belong to our community. Should it matter how they pray or live their lives? Is it not enough for them when the person involved is a good human being who can be kind and good for your child? If the child is willing to adjust why would parents feel otherwise? Why do most of us get rigid as we grow older and have control issues when it comes to our children? Shouldn’t we trust our upbringing enough to trust their decisions???

Would love to hear what you feel about the matter.

Living but not alive.
Not sad, not crying… but not happy either
Having fun… but not enjoying
Missing the zing from life – missing what’s called passion

To be passionate means to live from your center – from your Heart and Soul. I think we all need this center to live our lives and not merely exist…for our heart to pound with excitement and our spirits to soar higher.

But whilst we are lost in our daily humdrum, caught in the cowebs of our own cowardice, our own fear of letting go of what is deemed normal and is socially acceptable…we forget to consider what is more likely to provide us the experiences of passion, What holds us back or what sets us free?

We forget that it’s not dependent on the level of involvement but on ones engagement in the activity and hence it’s a life accessible to all of us.

By no means do I mean or am suggesting that it’s easy to go after what one wants and feels passionate about. In fact, I believe that pursuing ones true passion takes courage, since it often means deserting our fears and parting with situations we find comfortable…letting go of the “Normal” and the “Rational” and moving towards the unknown where there is only one thing u can be sure about – uncertainty.

I believe that people who are living their passion are the luckiest souls alive and I also believe that the credit for their happiness is solely their property.

We all have that core within us, that passion within us…it’s just a matter of some introspection and some realization. And for me, it’s seeing a smile on people’s faces… the reality dawned on me long back and like one of my friends from the volunteer center had said “Anam needs to see people smile to be happy”… she was bang on.

Happiness is the core of my all. What I wish I could spread all over… what I realize something isn’t possible but I know if I keep trying to bring smile to my loved ones faces, i’ll always be happy within too.

Smiling for me is a language to explore who I am in the middle of this mysterious thing called life as it brings me in tune with who I really am and what life brings to me.

Spreading happiness for me is courage and inspiration – to claim my life because it’s my own…to break my barriers and shed my inhibitions to be myself.

Spreading smiles is my source of the most cherished and extraordinary moments, the ones filled with pure bliss. Its only when I am making others smile, or laugh, that I have experienced the unadulterated happiness.

Spreading happiness and removing the saddness from everyone’s lives for me is my dream that I see everyday and yearn to live every single moment.

For most people it’s something they do, for me it’s who I am.

Been thinking a lot about the word manipulation and manipulative people . So went on and did a little bit of reading up on the subject and heres what I came up with.While most of what I mentioned we do see in most people once in a way , manipulative people use these tactics on a regular basis.

There are two types of aggression, one the in your face kind of anger and aggression where one just is loud and uses force to gain control on another. But there are some people who use subtle ways and covert methods always ones you don’t see to control you and this is called manipulation.

People who manipulate have some sneaky ways of getting you to do exactly what they want you to do. The tactics manipulators use, can make it seem like they’re hurting, caring, defending, …, almost anything but fighting. They use psychological means to get what they want. They make you do what they want by either trying emotionally getting to you or getting you to feel defensive about everything. They may even use your weakness against you and take advantage of you. They make you doubt yourself rather than doubt their intentions.

How many times in our life have we come across people who use emotions to get us to do things their way, either love, or tears or a tantrum but they manage to get us to feel obligated to do things their way. It becomes real difficult for us to handle it when it is our loved ones who use these tactics to get their way .Generally they try to rationalize and get you to do to their way and when you have issues with it may even divert your attention .They lie and they use covert threats to control you, they put you in a guilt trip and constantly put you down. They try and convince you they are the victims when actually they control your actions.

Now that we know how people can manipulate you, we need to look at how we can handle these people we encounter in our day to day . Its hurtful to the person being manipulated to be used this way specially by people you love. The relationship over a period of time gets messed up and troubled.

First of all we have to recognize that we are being manipulated. Then we need to recognize what attracts manipulators towards us. Maybe we show a need to be loved and feel loved when you are useful .You hate scenes and don’t like showing negative emotions and can not say no. You seek approval always and have a low sense of self.

In order to deal with a manipulative relationship one has to accept that they are being manipulated. One has to assess how important the relationship is to them and then develop assertiveness to say no. If you really are unhappy with the way things are going you have to learn to just say a firm no to it.