Saanams Mind

How easy is it to let go of something? As humans we have a tendency to get attached to everything. Be it the material  possesions, be it emotional baggage, be it our attitudes, be it our relationships . We cling on to Hope.  So when it is good to cling on to Hope for it gives you some sense of security,it makes a lot of sense to some times let go. But why do we find it so difficult to let go of something?“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.”

Letting go is freedom, letting go they say is ancient wisdom, letting go is acceptence, it is central to healing and it is a life skill we need in our lives. But letting go is never easy.There are somethings we need to let go of if we are to grow as humans. Fear, disappointments, hurts, grudges, depressions, addictions and bad habits …. these are the things we should let go of  but we  hang on to anyways. We know we need  to let go of them , but out of a habit hang on  to them. While material possessions are what many hang to to, as a woman I would say, most women hang on relationships.They have issues letting go of relationships sometimes even after they are over and just cant seem to move on. They can’t accept seperations or may be accept that the loved one craves freedom from that relationship.Reminds me of Richard Bach’s quote “When you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours, if not , it never was “. To me this quote speaks of true unconditional  love ,the one that speaks of letting go .

Got a few intersting points on the net one can follow in order to let go

# Be conscious of what or who you are holding on to. Only then can you let go of it.
# Picking up different thoughts or feelings to divert our attention is not the same thing as letting go.
# Fight emotions physically. Letting go brings about many emotions. Physical exercise helps releasing the emotions.
# We mistake fear for a shield of self-protection, but a scary condition is not fearful. Your reaction is. If you become conscious of your fear, you can change the relationship with it.
# Let go of trying to change people, because you are what is bothering you about them. Every conflict has two sides. Does the other really need to change? Or do you need to change your perspective?
# Love and attachment are two different things. The greatest love in fact, is letting go. Love is detached.
# Hope is beautiful, but also works against us. Hope makes us hold on to things that might not happen. Be honest with yourself.
# We love change, as long as nothing changes. Changing knickers or changing jobs or homes is not letting go. The only real change is when you change your inner self.
# Let go of ’shoulds’. The more we hold the idea of how things should be, the more we struggle with events as they are.
# Let go of your sorry self. You are responsible for your inner self and the outer world is just a reflection of that

“True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.”

Just a random thought yesterday had me thinking over bullying and about bullies. Though we come across so many of them at school, in our workplace  or maybe among our family I also realised the  worst bullies we see is ourselves. We bully ourselves the most…. we are never too happy with who we are, the way we look, the way we feel ,we are never good enough for ourselves and isnt that a form of bullying?? A horrid way of affecting ourselves by hitting  out on our own self esteem .As always I began writing this post as a chat with
myself.

I never realised the extent to which I was harming myself till I took a good look at myself in the mirror . I realised I was becoming touchy about lil things, weepy about some other things and spirits always kind of low. Who was damaging the person I was? For a pretty much strong person I was, I felt insecuries creep in. I felt myself behaving out of character. Is this what I really wanted to be like? Was this who I wanted to be? What ever happened to the person who smiled her way through all the cloudy days? Why was I taking the wrong and negative way? Why was I doing this to myself and looking at everything kind of in a negative way? Was I allowing negativeness takeover the real me?? My reaction  to  a friend and the way  I communicated with them and  their answer to what I had said made me think hard… do I want to become what I was becoming?

I realised in a way by being negative I was disrespcting and sabotaging myself. My negative , not so happy thoughts were reflected in my actions and probably I was reverting and changing back to be the person I had  changed myself from a few years back. By bullying myself, by not feeling good about myself and by letting my insecurities get to me I was forgetting to look at what I  earlier took pride in, my uniqueness.Why was I lowering my standards I set for myself  by ignoring what I considered my strengths. Hmm..not a good feeling .I needed to stop this self obsessing .

I guess I need to create change for myself,  Talk to myself about my strengths and regain what I feel is a bit of that confidence I felt in myself. Value who I am.Maybe look at myself, be aware and talk to myself about all my strengths , about what makes me ‘Me’, of what I am gifted with and learn to count all my blessings one by one. I need to stay focussed on that without allowing traitorus thoughts to seep in .I guess self talk or talking to one self constantly motivating oneself is necessary to do that. By that Imean really communicate,  if need be stand in front of a mirror to do it It also makes you aware of yourself, concious of looking at who you are and helps look at yourself in your eye to make the communication happen .It helps you recognise your amazing self..

Well it has to be done in a healthy way, by recognising your strengths not exaggerating what you really are. It means having a little control of how others affect your emotions specially when you are vulnerable to them. I have seen how someones actions can totally swerve ones way of behaving and losing control emotionally. That has to be kept under tight reign otherwise it is an easy path towards depression .Because  nothing can be more damaging than degradation of the human spirit and here I was doing exactly that to myself. So positive self  talk is the need  of the hour as  I need to see a healthier happier me. So here is what I want to remind myself

It is our attitude towards life that will determine life’s attitude towards us. ~Anonymous
-Good attitudes beget good results.
-Fair attitudes beget fair results.
-Bad attitudes beget bad results….

I have the power to control my life.I have the power to change how I look at life and I and only I have the power to control  my own mind . So heres what am going to try -

-Talk about that which reminds me of happy times.
-Surround myself only around positive people.( lol yup sounds pretty easy in my circumstances )
-When confronted with a negative experience see through the darkness and see the positive and light out of it.
-Stand outside and take a look around. Now close your eyes for two to five and hear the whispers of the earth. Slowly open your eyes and see world’s beautiful vibrant colors.
-Stand in thanksgiving everyday.
-Do something unexpected for someone important in my life. Better yet, do something nice for a stranger.

This will help me start off conducting myself with a good attitude…. so wish me luck

Today Anam n Me went down memory lane. As some of the oldest members on Crazefm we have built so many happy memories on the site and have formed such beautiful moments stored and captured in our album called life. How small things were what made us laugh so much, memories of lil cribs, lil  instances that we made big of, made fun of and more. I remember a time when I joined Crazefm, I was going through rough weather and so were a few others I met there. Here we made a lil world for ourselves. Laughter over small nicknames etc, I think like me many saw this community as a place which was so so special.

I remember the first time I ventured into the SB drawn by a discussion on life and positive thinking I said Hi I like what you guys are saying and then things just went forward so fast, I met tonnes of lovely people who I never realised would be such a huge huge part of my life. I said goodbye to a few , but more than that I found  so many who made  my heart their home. They became an intrinsic part of my everyday life like my family, each one special in their own way.I dont know how but I was completely drawn to this new home, a wonderful world  of our own. The love, good feeling, faith and bond holding us together through anything each one of us went through.

I remember the way I was pushed  on to going on air, more like emotionally blackmailed on a brothers birthday to go and wish him. I did  with my knees knocking and to top it I was  asked to sing. the Rj who I didnt know all that well then ,made me feel so at ease that soon , a few years down the line I was on air every show airing my views, singing, wishing someone or just fooling around. From  nervous chattering teeth, knockin knees to quiet confidence, knowing what to say when, covering goof ups , all this happened in a span of months.

From being a spectator watching the talk in the  chat I dont know how and when I began taking more of an interest in the  running and admin part of this community and soon enough   from being a mute spectator i started getting involved  in the forums etc etc …. Then on began such a beautiful journey in my life , I met so many interesting people , I made wonderful friends who I know  I will carry with me in my heart to my grave no matter what tomorrow brings. What brought us together was a love for music but what held us together was mutual respect, moral support and love we had for each other.

Anam and I laughed about the funny times we had as part of the team, the names we came up with for each one, all sweet and sugary and some not so nice psuedonyms for the ones who were a bit of a nuisance.The reactions of some of them when we began calling them names brought smiles on our faces. We laughed about ‘garam masala’ alerts we had when someone was sighted and  the funny meetings we had as a team. We have laughed our way through  the kids names we thought of for every couple there…santa-banta, santi-banti, chintu mintu. The plans we made for some of their weddings, the laughter we had when we would decide to pull one particular persons leg that day…We have cribbed about certain wierdos we have come acrosss, some who were downright crass. We I guess made laughter our second nature, every lil thing would be enjoyed. We have celebrated couples who found  each other here, celebrated successes together and celebrated each other’s happy moments too.

We cried about the tough times we went through, some of us more then the others. Some of them battling stuff that a few of us just dreamt of. Memory losses, health problems, near death instances, we always held hands together and faced it. We have prayed together, stayed nights up to be each others support and cried with each other trying to deal with each others issues.We have seen miracles born out of the strong bond our relationships had.  These are thoughts and memories I can never ever get out of my mind ever unless something drastic happens.

As we spoke about all this both of us laughed at some instances, we cried over a few more. Would those days be back again? The only thing that pulled all of us through then was our bond, our love and the relationship we had for each other. We have  been through so much and seen so much together that I always felt there was something special between each one of us. With tears rolling down my cheeks , I remember every mountain that I climbed soon became a hill just because of the  love and support I got from my friends and family at craze.

I guess I just wait for all that to come back. I pray and ask God to get everyone back to normal, to make them healthy, make them happy and to just give us those happy days back again.I ask him to rebuild those relationships, rebond us to make those relationships we have stronger and to help us hold on to each other no matter what wave threatens to wash us away. I wish…..

Do you go with your heart or your mind?? I have seen that practical people go more with their mind  than their hearts and emotional  people following their hearts . Why is it always when one works the other doesnt.I mean when emotions take over we cant think practical or rational and when we follow our minds we cant think with our hearts . Why is it we cant work with both? Be practical when emotional and vice versa?

Being practical helps us face realities of life better. It teaches you to look at life without romanticising  everything.Thinking with your head is when being as they call it “sensible” helps you look at and face reality, pleasant and unpleasant upfront. But when ever our mind gets clouded with feelings, this practical, sensible, reasonable part of you takes a backseat.Emotions take over and any realistic thinking takes a beating.When thinking with our hearts our actions are guided by our emotions completely.Feelings take over and thoughts and our brains take a secondary role. Be it love, rage, hurt, fear or any other emotions, the mind gets shut off.

I have often wondered why cant we balance both? Why does one take over the other and some people are completely emotional, whereas some just learn to accept reality more easily?Does it mean practical people dont have feelings? Or dont emotional people think? Any answers?

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life .

Missing someone…..???

Having lost some of the few people I have loved in my life, I realised its very hard on a person when you miss someone so badly specially when you lose that zest for life . Was reading up so many articles on it I came across the following paragraph that kind of summed up what I was going through .Here is what that person had to say.

” Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think that he/she doesn’t miss u? Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her. Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it’s him/her.Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs. Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him, missing the final episode of your favourite show. Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u were out together. Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again,talking about everything,your dreams, plans, future.Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online.When u realise that he/she isn’t online and did not return your page,u will start worrying if he/she
is okay.Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.It exposes u to loneliness.It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible. So tell someone you miss them when you do ,if you can.”

The person who wrote this perfectly wrote about the bleak n hollow feeling of emptiness you feel when you miss someone. It can take you down the spiralling path of feeling depressed and unhappy. I would say , instead of faking the smile ,give in to the tears, cry it out and let your emotions through so as to heal. It removes the grief you hold within, and helps  cleanse your mind of the sadness. It doesnt take away the longing or the love, but helps you cope better with the bleakness of the situation without making you feel bitter.Loving someone – even if it does not last – can become a source of experience and strength to treasure, if you learn to release the grief regularly.Grief can linger on and on but your body is not built to take it. So instead take solace in the positive and loving memories and hold them close to your heart for a lifetime to cherish.

If you have lost the person to death , there is not much you can do about it. But if they are alive, it wouldnt take much to let them know that they are special and you miss them.Do it now for there is no time better than right now.

Just as I sat down to write this post , I was thinking about happiness and how so many times this state of mind is so elusive. Most of the time as we keep chasing happiness we  forget to take the happiness that moment has to offer.So I just decided to look at a  few things that make me really happy.  Over a period of time I realised that one can never be happy if they wait for someone to make them happy.Each one should take onus for their own happiness and decide to keep themselves happy  as it is just our own state of mind. So I guess I make myself happy .

My kids give me so much of happiness , its very difficult for me to explain this . I look at them playing, their curiosity and enthusiasm about everything,it gives me joy. I hear their laughter,I see them sleep, I watch them smile , listen to their prattle, I watch them eat and enjoy some little things and play I am filled with a very happy inner peace.  When I see my loved ones happy, enjoying their every breath , being healthy and looking at life positively, I am filled with happiness because I take happiness in their happiness.  I have often noticed that when am alone with nature…maybe like on a holiday at a hill station,or maybe watching the sea crash on to  the beach, when i watch the rain, I feel really happy about being alive to watch the wonders of nature. I seem to find a lot of peace and calm when am alone enjoying the beauty of nature. Apart from that I am happy I am blessed with whatever I have, good health, wonderful people who make my life whole, a comfortable life and love that am gifted with each day. I am happy in the fact that I have been blessed with so much more than what people have in their lives.

Basically to be happy one has to respect themselves and realise they deserve to be happy, because ultimately its a choice one makes , to be happy or unhappy. Believe that you can be happy no matter what .If we have the nature in us to forgive everything and everyone who hurt us, including ourselves for making mistakes, it helps in keeping ourselves happy,as it removes the stress of  the whole situation. Another essential factor for happiness is gratitude for every blessing you have as well as for what you dont. Having gratitude for the very fact that you are breathing and alive makes one very happy.Apart from that being instrumental in making others happy by your little actions and deeds gives a lot of happiness and self satisfaction. When you radiate happiness, it makes the people around you happy as well.

As we look at the global recession and the turbulence it is causing in the lives of many people,  many of us are plagued by insecurities and worries. The recession has quite created a grim and dreary picture and eventhough India is not as badly affected as the USA we are facing the meltdown with many people losing jobs, being inundated with debts and the effect of what happens in the US is seen here as well with corporates cutting costs drastically and every sector being affected by it.

When all around the atmosphere is grim and gloomy it is bound to affect each one and the general attitude we see around is gloomy and maybe in a way defeatist.

If one has followed my blog, one would realise that like many  in the recent past, I have been facing a few demons of my own and have had a few dreary experiences in my life. As the old adage goes ‘When it rains it pours ‘ and yes past few months have probably been a testing time for me. I made a  conscious decision to work my mind over this and stop the downhill train of thought that has been depleting me totally of my energy. So reading up on a lot of positive stuff, speaking to someone who could  push me  the right way without messing up my  mind has helped me a lot. There are many things one can do to keep their cool.

We need to focus on what is within us in order to fight the challenges of what is external. By that i mean we have to develop ourselves to be strong enough to handle the pressures of the outside world.  A positive temperment in your everyday walk of life can help you face whatever demons threaten you in whatever circumstances. They say you are what you think you are, so think of your self as a confident and happy person no matter what you are going through and watch yourself be positive and vibrant.

Take the time you have to focus on your family if you have not been doing it before, or maybe yourself, if you have been neglecting yourself . Do things that always made you happy, picnics with loved ones, catching a movie, developing a new skill, fitness, just focus on something that gets your spirits up.

Look at everything as a challenge to master and learn from instead of giving up. Life gives us numerous phases, a lot of them tough ones so that you learn from them and become stronger . So take each disappointment, each challenge as a lesson, learn from it, become stronger and move on. The only way after going down is up Try and develop yourself as strong , positive human being.

Everytime I note something here , it is because I am reminding myself of what I want to keep in my mind and learning something. So if those of you reading through would have some positive points you can add I would appreciate your comments .

Connie SchultzSusan Boyle – A hero

This  video which was sent to me by mail, moved me so much. Connie SchultzSusan Boyle ,a 47 year old from a small town in Scotland , who admitted  to being unemployed mustered up courage go and audition for Britains reality Tv show, Britain’s Got Talent. Watch the video  and watch the faces of those  sitting as the audience….I have decided  to note this as a reminder  to myself about a lot of things.Heres what I want to remind myself about.

Why do we judge people by the way they look and dress? Agreed  that appearances matter  and no one likes to appear shabby, but it doesnt completely reflect who we are . We become  so cynical and  if we look at the faces of the audience or Simon Cowell rolling his eyes, they are typical responses of how we would view someone. Completely  judgemental and absolutely not open to anyone.

Many of us give up on our dreams, our ambitions and our aspirations when faced with adversities and with disappointments and disapproval. This 47 year old woman and the way she performed , made me me salute her for keeping her calm and giving it her best shot. We generally tend to lose that belief and faith in ourselves and what we want , specially  when we see disapproval around. She made me re-assess and look at myself. Would I dare to go forth with my dreams even if I had no support from those around me ? Would I be courageous enough to do it?  Probably not!!

Finally her age. Most of us get so involved  in  what happens around us, our circumstances and the paths that they lead us on,that we along the way give up on our dreams. As we grow older, we feel we have no right to dream .As  we float along destiny’s plans for us, we  forget all the plans n dreams we had for us when we were young, feeling that its too late to work on it.

Well she proved us wrong  didnt she? Susan Boyle, if you watch the clipping probably had many more reasons of why she could have given up her dreams of being a singing star, but she didn’t and found her moment of fame and saw herself being the centre of attention n much spoken about just because she dared, dared to dream, dared to stick to her dreams and dared to fight circumstances to realise her dreams.. I guess each one of us has a lot to learn from this gutsy lady.

I salute her.

I wonder how many of us would change ourselves for another person. I mean completely change our identity because the other person demands it,because its expected of you or just so you can fit in or get accepted?

I realised as I pondered over this , I had done this when I was the eager to please everyone, waiting to be accepted,newly married bride. But I guess the changes were more for me not for anybody else. Its because I wanted to change , not because it is expected of me and maybe to a little extent to be accepted into the family I had married into.In todays scenario would I change for anybody or just because someone wants me to? Not if I feel am making compromises in what I call is essentially ‘Me’ By that I mean I would change something that is negative  in me, If  I considered it to be a big negative, not otherwise. I would allow my self to get influenced by something only if I saw a trait I admired in the person advicing me to change.And apart from that, changing myself to be more positive, stronger human being , I would go all out for it, but regressing into a negative person, developing traits that you know are no good for anybody, I would never ever do it.

Change is a constant in our lives and every moment is filled with so many changes. So its inevitable people change too. I have been trying to accept a lot of changes around me, all because circumstances change and things dont go back to being the same ever again. So also with people and their nature. But  I feel when  you know yourself well enough, when you know what your strengths and weaknesses are, when you know what innate goodness you have in you, one should learn not to make compromises with what is positive in them . Apart from that to hang on to good values and goodness, one needs quiet assurance in oneself, self confidence and  have faith in oneself to know what is right.One shouldn’t get so needy to be accepted that they wind up making compromises about what is good in them .

So when one says Dont ever change for another person Never, I feel that change is inevitable and one changes along with the other person, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Its up to us to decide what aspects of us we want to change, if it would improve our attitudes, if it would be a change for the better , for the positive or for the worse, if you are changing that innate goodness or divine in you.

I for one, every time I go through something  that hurts me or pains me tell myself that I wont allow this circumstance or this person to make me bitter or cynical because that is not who I am or who I want to be . It is just  not where I want to see myself few years down the line . So by self conditioning, I get over that urge to hit back or metamorphise into someone who wants to hit back for getting hurt.Because in the end its all about looking my eye in the mirror and not feeling ashamed of who I am, or maybe being able to answer God truthfully when the judgement day comes.

Well, just  penning a few random thoughts I am going through just now. Thought putting them down , would in a way pave way for some release in my mind. I have this feeling of alienation, a feeling of just not understanding why people behave the way they do with me sometimes. This  hurt I have, the disappointment, I wonder how I may change inside, within me for ever. Yes I am coping and I know each one does the best they feel it is, yet I am hurt by certain behaviour because I probably dont understand why I am targetted for it. I have always been open and honest about what I feel, I guess that is one reason I fail to understand when people behave a certain hurting way without explanations. Yeah they dont owe me an explanation, no one does …. but based on what relationship I have with that person, sometimes I just fail to understand why they behave the way they do with me and what I could have done to  provoke that kind of behaviour. I have made a lot of excuses , telling myself that this probably is the only way they know to deal with stress, this is the best they know to deal with the situation, but in some way I cannot seem to take away the hurt or the disappointment I feel within.

Feelings of hurt, disbelief and basically the hollow feelings inside, the disinterest in everything around, in a way a feeling of completely being let down by someone you dont expect to be ever let down by. It is not right for me to lay the blame completely on the other person, probably I have  something to do with it, otherwise why would they behave that way with me? I so want to say ‘to hell, see if I  care’ but I do care, so that doesnt ring true. I just fear that this feeling of hurt and disappointment will make me cynical and bitter, negative about relationships. More so because am unable to ask questions  I have or do not get answers for my questions so I am unable to grasp the situation.

Would this result in me being bitter, pessimistic and a self pitying person, because thats what disappointments and repeated disappointments in life, in relationships and in people would do to one. I would hope not….. because that is not the way I would want to lead my life. I have worked hard to develop myself to be who I am, a strong human being who reacts positively to pressure, so I hope I am blessed with tremendous patience to tide over this phase, I hope I am given enough forgiveness in me to forgive the hurt , I hope I am given enough understanding to understand why things happened the way they did. The easiest would be to karmically n emotionally delink myself and  move on, but that seems impossible for me to do right now. I guess I have disappointed the same people before and since they have been large hearted enough to forgive me, I should do the same.Yes my tears do still roll as I hurt but I live with the hope that maybe some day I would be told why I merited the behaviour they meted out to me and why I deserved being treated the way they treated me. I guess  I can correct myself  and my hurt would lessen that day.

Till then I guess I can continue to smile through my tears.