The past few days I have been asked very often why I have changed and gone so quiet. Made me think of the year 2009 and the hard times it brought me . Sometimes everything you spend time, energy, emotions , care and feelings on for a long time collapses around you and that I suppose is when LIFE hits you hard on your face. Family and friends abandon you and there you are all alone not just battling the circumstances but battling the fact that the very relationships you spent years building prove to be all false 
It seemed to me that all at once I was faced with so many lessons to face.
What keeps one going on then? For me it was faith. Faith in God as it gave me peace, it gave me the comfort of knowing that there was someone who was there with me no matter if I was alone . It gave me a feeling of safety a feeling that someone would take care of my hurts, my fears, wipe my tears , my loneliness. Someone who taught me to make peace with being alone , who taught me that I dont necessarily need people who are false in my life. Faith that if I was right God would be with me .Speaking to God often and knowing he would be there with me every step of the way.
Faith in myself, faith in who I was. Faith that I was strong enough to weather it all . Faith that the way I was, the way I was brought up was correct. Faith in the values instilled in me, my belief in who I was. Faith in some true friends who I knew would be with me .Complete absolute faith in truth and that truth always truimphs in the end.
“Faith makes all things possible…. love makes all things easy.”
Faith … a small word but the power of which is amazing. When you have faith in God, you feel safe, when you have faith in yourself, you feel good, when you show faith in someone else, they feel wonderful. It is the confidence and trustworthiness you show in someone. When all seem to fail and the storms in life seem to suck you into a whirlpool of gloom, a quicksand of loneliness, a sea of tears the only thing that keep you going is faith .
“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”
Patrick Overton
So have Faith …In God…In who you are…In a few select people and see where you fly
Was casually surfing through my favorite wiki, when came across a wiki page on Casual Relationship … took me a while to initially understand that a “casual” physical relationship is not just a possibility… well… its happening!! And the rate at which people are becoming “open” to this idea is indeed a matter of concern. The phenomenon is extremely rife these days specially in Post-grad colleges where the work pressure and stress of studies makes people get “close” to one another, not just in emotional but also physical terms!! At the same time, they are not ready for commitment, so they become “buddies” in broad daylight and yet “sleep around” :O
A casual relationship may be part time, or for a limited time, and may or may not be monogamous. The term encompasses friendships between people who enjoy each other’s physical intimacy but do not aspire to be long-term, rather than parties who desire temporary relationships purely for hedonistic purposes. In each case, the relationship’s dominance in the lives of those involved is being voluntarily limited, and there is usually a sense that the relationship is intended to endure only so long as both parties wish it to. To the extent such relationship include casual sexual contact, the relationship is generally focused on fulfilling sexual rather than romantic or emotional needs.
These relationships are associated with younger people (early teenagers), and are often seen as a way to enjoy the benefits of sexual activities without the emotional strings of a romantic relationship. According to many teens, these relationships have been going on for some time, and it is estimated that at least 32% of people over 13 have had such an experience, despite limitations due to age of consent laws. While providing a sexual outlet for some people, the practice is still associated with negative connotations. In teenage relationships in the US, the predominant activity is not penetrative sex, but rather oral sex and mutual masturbation. Many teenagers believe that this reduces the risks associated with sexual promiscuity such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Some medical authorities such as Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, a professor of pediatrics, suggests that teenagers do not view oral sex as “real sex” and use it to remain in a state of “technical” virginity.
I have been through a B-school myself and I can say one thing for sure, do what you want to do… just don’t blame it on “stress”! There are enough stress-busters as is. Funny word, this one is… “Stress” Yeah! Makes people do whatever they want and in the end its so convenient to just say “Oh! We were stressed out… It just happened!” All this talk is whole load of bull-crap. The physical needs get the better of people and they end up sleeping without any sort of emotional attachment. More than anything, I think it is unhealthy. And it reduces one the most sacred creations of God into a mere physical motion! This just adds to the list of things which cease to be pure any more!
Believe me, I am not being preachy here… My point is do not use “excuses” to explain your actions… Be brave enough to accept them!
Ramadan Mubarak & Happy Ganesh Chaturthi to all those celebrating and observing Ramadan. I’m back from my wonderful trip to Pakistan. Sleeping and waking up at odd hours is the reason for this post. Hope you all have been well!
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Over time we tend to develop image of ourselves, things we want to be, things we are, and somewhere the illusions seems to merge the boundaries between them, and we tend to imagine we are a lot of things, which we are not actually.
Life too kind of encourages us by giving us lesser and lesser situations where we can really put into effect our dreamy self, and lets us continue to be in the illusion, letting us feel happy of what we think we are.
Unfortunately at times when it questions us with serious challenges, that’s when you discover the hidden demons within you, the ones which come out and surprise you with their existence. I think its not their existence that surprised me, its how I have been ignorant and been hiding behind who I want to be, rather than be who I am, is what baffled me.
Its sad to see myself doubting every single thing, not trusting people, feeling lonely, everything I thought I wasn’t.
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. ~Mark Twain
Am sure like me there are many people who have been so swamped by the emotions they feel that sometimes life gets paralyzed by it.Everything stops all around just because our mind is so much a puppet of what we feel ,that it brings life to a standstill. As always I went scouring the net and books looking for something that would snap me out of this phase, get me the emotional stability I looked for and for articles that would help me don a coat of indifference as it can be called, which may help me try and make changes in my life.
While we take so much of care about our physical well being ,how many of us really look into our emotional well being ? Does emotional good health mean we never allow ourselves to feel sad or negative ,or does it mean we go on being happy no matter what? Emotional stability or well being means we accept our emotions, we accept the reasons we feel sad, we accept why we are happy and are extremely comfortable with the way we feel.It also means not allowing emotions to rule your life.I searched for ways that would heal the mind and help cope with maintaining emotional stability.
First of all we need to stop dwelling on emotions n negative thoughts that pull us down.Sometimes our emotions get so strong that they spiral us out of our control,bringing with them unneccesary feelings that consume your life and sap you of energy. Instead you have to redirect the energy towards doing something that makes you happy and strengthens you.
Then one has to work on coming to terms with the emotions and accept the reasons why you feel that way even if they are sometimes not very profound at that point they are important to your emotional well being.Understanding the reasons behing why you feel that way will help you in understanding your emotions.
Acceptance really helps in coming to terms and getting things in control … it provides a harmony in your mind that allows you to take things in its stride and and find peace within yourself.It will help you come to terms with who you are and why you feel the way you do, teach you to respect and love yourself more.Though this is not very easy and wont happen overnite wanting to do it is the first step and having belief in oneself and loving oneself warts and all surely goes a long way .
Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf. ~Jonatan Mårtensson
Time to invest some extraa energy n time on emotional well being wouldnt you say??
“Thinking good thoughts is not enough, doing good deeds is not enough, seeing others follow your good examples is enough.” ~Douglas Horton ~
Life is a gift, a blessing given to us by the power above and we get to live it just once.I tell myself this each day , atleast once when I feel myself being pulled down by disturbing thoughts that bring tears to my eyes.I remind myself that I have to realize my dreams and live my life to the full potential if I really value the gift that it is.While it is true I cannot do it alone, I think owning up to personal responsibility is a step forward.
“Taking responsibility for your own actions, choices, mistakes, and life in general opens the door to a great deal of opportunity.It introduces you to your own strengths and weaknesses and helps in making some space for growth as an individual.”
In our minds we have these people we want to be like and we emulate and instill qualities in us that makes us like them. So we work hard at modeling ourselves based on them and keep them as an example of who we want to be, thus setting a goal and working towards becoming like them.When this person turns out to be the opposite of what you thought them to be , its very devastating and definitely is a setback to your personal growth as well. So it makes a lot of sense to be very very careful in who you choose as a role model .
But the most positive way of working on ourselves would be to take onus for our own shortcomings instead of blaming others for them. That way we recognize our shortcomings , weakness and work on them positively.I would say instead of looking at others as examples, the best would be for one to set out to be an example to be followed. To recognize who we are and work at being the best we can be, recognizing the qualities that will help us build our character and which will help us live our life to the full potential as its meant to be lived.That way you set yourself to be a positive example to those around at the same time allowing yourself room for growth to be better.
“When a man dies he clutches in his hands only that which he has given away during his lifetime.”-Jean Jacques Rousseau
Selflessness is a virtue of humanity and selfishness is that of inhumanity.Take the case of a patriot laying down his life for others and a terrorist who takes many lives for the sake of some cause.Though an extreme example I just wanted to lay emphasis on selflessness being all about giving and selfishness all about taking,
I have come across so many people who are generous, not just in sharing their material possessions but also generous in their words and appreciation, in their kindness towards others, in their emotions as well and those who take pleasure in giving, in bringing a smile on to the face of another.And then there are those who just cannot understand what the concept of ‘give ‘is.For them life is all about ‘I ,Me,Myself ‘ , its all about how much can ‘I’ get out of something, how much can ‘I’ take . Its all about ‘My’ life and what ‘I’ gain out of everything.
Generosity an offshoot of selflessness, though not as huge as selflessness is the right way to go because along with it it brings tremendous joy and peace to have made someone smile.All is takes is a little action from you that can brighten someones day. Maybe a kind word, a hug, a pat, a few notes of money here and there.It may seem like a nothing to you but someone may have a wonderful effect from it. The only requirement for you would be to do it from your heart ….then truly you benefit the most.Its always said that in order to get you have to give and the returns are far too many.
I find so much truth in this quote “There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life — happiness, freedom, and peace of mind — are always attained by giving them to someone else.”Peyton Conway March
So I would say Give and give generously, from your heart to as many as you can in your lifetime for “You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give.”
Silence seems to be the only companion I feel like trusting these days…. Why does it always seem that when you are stronger for your life’s experiences a huge wave comes and sweeps you away…. off your feet leaving you at a loss, no bearings, completely lost ….where do I go from here? What actually am I born for? How many more times do I have to hurt before I finish my life’s lessons and move on….Am I really so weak in my heart that I am suceptible to believing in love, in relationships,caring and sheer emotions when there is no such thing as pure feelings in anybody? Why am I again fooled into believing people are as I am… transparent, caring from their heart and honest.Silence shrouds my pain, I am wordless because what I feel in me is not just hurt, it is disillusionment, disappointment and a feeling of utter helplessness as I watch what I believed as the truth turn into a story of sheer fake emotions… of just what it really was mere sounds uttered as words, not actually felt from the heart as I believed it to be.Manipulation of emotions and circumstances to suit ones own purpose.
I am at my computer… music playing but speakers muted, staring blank at the screen, a million things on my mind.How many more such tests would I be put through before I learn that trust is not something you give easily? How many more such falls before I learn not everybody value friendships and relationships? How many more tears before I learn to smile again? How many more sleepless nights before I stop caring enough? How many words would I have to hear before I find one that truly means what it says? Am I losing faith in all that is pure? Am I losing faith in all that made me smile? In all that made me believe in another human. Would I ever go back to being who I was? Would I change? I guess I have changed I have learnt the world is not as beautiful as I made it look. People change according to their convenience… if you are not smart enough to accept it they just in a blink…. discard you as a person. It doesn’t matter that you were a part of their life once,it doesn’t matter their actions hurt you, it doesn’t matter they said that you were a blessing in their life and would be precious to them all their life,….. to them they were words, just a few sounds uttered to make you feel good …not because they meant them the way you do when you say it.
Would I change, become cynical? I just ask myself…. How many more??? Will I ever learn? Is it really worth it all….
Silence beckons… maybe I just need to stop believing…stop feeling…in other words stop living and learn to just…just exist.
“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
Only when you respect yourself do you get the respect you deserve. Took me a while to realise it. As a woman I was always taught that the only way to go in life was to put myself last as a priority. Please others, avoid confrontations and the easiest way to go about doing it is to just conform, dont speak your mind and keep your needs as the last ones to be tended to. I did this… as a daughter, a wife and as a mom , maybe as a friend too. Till I realised what it was to be run over by a road roller.
Yeah surprising for a woman belonging to this current generation, I generally did a lot just to get smiles on many faces …be it family, friends , relations and relationships till I was left clutching at straws and they went their merry ways. After a lot of introspection, I realised that my keeping quiet probably was the reason for many treating me shoddily. Though I am quite an assertive person who spoke what was on my mind and knew to say no. I realise a lot of times with loved ones we tend to let them get away with anything without demanding the respect we deserve.
What is respect, an intangible feeling that you hold about yourself and about others . While it is an earned position, it choreographs the way you behave towards yourself and towards others. It is generally shown through words and actions.Others can easily sense your care and love and respect for them with the way you act towards , behave with and with the way you speak to them. Small gestures like returning messages, phone calls, answering emails or keeping your promise made to them are small gestures of respect you show the other.
Respecting yourself is the first step towards building others respect towards you. Dont allow others to walk over you.Sometimes our own hearts betray us into allowing some things to be done by those we love and we accept any shoddy treatment they mete out. Change that. Dont allow anyone to take you for granted because you are an unique , special human being , a creation of God’s with your own unique wonderful qualities. If another doesnt respect you for it repeatedly, they do not deserve being a part of your life . Learn to forgive yourself and to stop being hard on yourself for all mistakes you have made however deplorable they may be.There is no point of feeling guilty and berating and making yourself feel miserable about yourself.
Gandhiji said “They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them” so hold on to that respect you have for yourself and that will teach others to respect you the way it should be.
“Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more.”-Brother David Steindl-Rast
If we have to attract abundance of happiness we have to learn the power of gratitude, because gratitude is a whole lot of positive energy which speaks of happiness, satisfaction, acceptance and harmony.Its easy to be grateful when things go right but how many of us still look at the good in bad situations and show gratitude then? Gratitude is a show of high positive vibrations or energy that focusses on our goals and helps it happen.
A lot of times when stuck in a bad situation in life, we wind up resisting it and emitting negative energy. That in turn makes our life so much more difficult and we attract more untoward incidents towards ourselves by focussing on what went wrong. There is no gratitude but the energy is all focussed on what we lost .We do not look at what good came out of it.So we are going against what is reality . Non resistance to what happens means you dont argue against what is reality. If you look at every situation, it has equal of good and bad in it. So you make a choice of choosing the good and being grateful for it.
If you lost out on something , you know there is something better waiting for you at the end of it all.There is one more thing that should come along with gratitude for it to work positively for us. Forgiveness toward all that worked against us, people who hurt us, people who cheated us. For gratitude to work its magic on our lives we have to learn to forgive easily. The easy way to go about it is to thank the person for teaching you some valuable lessons in life instead of cursing them for situations that happen due to them. If you forgive them its easier to cut chains of resentment, be grateful to them for teaching you life lessons and then move on.Forgiveness also means forgiving yourself too for all things that dont go your way. Unless you forgive yourself, you cant forgive others, you cannot support them. Gratitude and forgiveness is a big gift you can give yourself ,because it makes life so much more peaceful and stress free.It makes one fulfilled with their life. It teaches you to Give more and more thus again focussing on the positives of life.
“To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.” So maybe we should all start looking at life and take each step of life with gratitude .
