Note: I don’t ever talk about personal life on my blog but this is blog is an exception. No actual names of my family members will be used – but this is something I have been wanting to blog about for some time. This blog will be in 2 parts.
As most of you know I went to Pakistan for my cousins wedding this summer, I had a lot of fun. Met few family members I had either never seen or hadn’t seen in almost 10-15 years. In one of those family members included a second cousin. ‘Z’ as I’ll call her for this post is 9-10 years old little girl. She is the daughter of an aunt who passed away five years ago from an ilness that science is discovering now. My aunt was only 32 years old. ‘Z’ was only 4 years old when my aunt died, so she remember her mother little bit not too much. Her father got remarried while my aunt was still alive but because the doctors had given up hope, he decided to get remarried for the sake of the children or so he says. While ‘Z’ now calls that lady ‘mom’, her older brother who is now 17 years old calls her ‘aunty’ because he isn’t able to give the place of his mother to another woman – especially the one who hates him and has done everything she could to get rid of his mother’s memories from the house.
I met ‘Z’ for the first time. I had known about her but never had the chance to meet her even on my previous trips to Pakistan. This was the wedding of her cousins as well. Her khala’s (masis’) son, who happens to be my mamu’s son was getting married. ‘Z’ and ‘H’ – her brother, had come to our house about ten days before the wedding. On the first day they arrived, few members of the family were going to the cemetery, so I asked ‘Z’ if she was going, she said ‘No, I don’t want to go’ while ‘H’ went. I didn’t think anything of it at that time, but later I realized…’Z’ is an extremely sensitive child. During her stay at the house, she became extremely close to me. In fact, she would fight with other kids to have meals with me, go out with me and even sleep with me. I’m not sure what made her and I click but it was an instant friendship we formed. She would come and hug me every few minutes, keep asking everyone about me if I was not at home. My mami made a comment saying ” ‘Z’ has become very attached to Anam because Anam gives her all the attention, makes sure she eats her meals on time, in fact she makes sures that ‘Z’ eats, enjoys herself.” It made me think a lot because it was true. I took extra care of ‘Z’. Something just touched me about her. Maybe it was the fact that she has a ‘mother’ in the house, yet this girl doesn’t eat properly, all her clothes are so big on her, her size is probably below size 0. When ’Z’ was born, her fingers had not fully had their growth, so all her fingers are either barely there or half way. On one hand she has 6 fingers. I had seen her look at other kids in the house when they would call out to their mother for one thing or another. She would have tears in her eyes or she would just leave the room and cry. I would go after her each time, cheer her up and give her treats so she knew she wasn’t alone.
Before going to sleep each night she would tell me things she remembered about her mom or what her step-mother does or says. Unfortunately, ’Z' was being used by her step-mother and her dadi (grandmother). Her step-mother would tell her to spy on her grandmother and her grandmother would ask her to spy on her step-mother and tell each other what they were saying about each other. ‘Z’ being the child that she is, didn’t understand what they were really doing. I spent few hours one night explaining to her that she should not do that. Hmmm I felt that she didn’t have anyone to explain these things to her. My mami, though tries her best to guide ‘H’ and ‘Z’ to the right path, I felt it’s hard for ‘Z’ to understand as she needs someone to talk to her in her ‘language’ so to say and not as an adult.
During her stay with us, she had fallen sick couple of days before the wedding started. She was running a high fever but did not utter a word. Just like that, I was looking for her and found her sleeping during the day. She never slept during the day unless she was upset. I checked up on her, only to find her body burning. I went to my mami and told her about it. We took ‘Z’ to the hospital only to find out that she was running 102 fever. From that day on, I made sure she was given her medicine on time. ‘Z’ wanted anything but to take the yucky medicine I would run after her and made her take her medicines. I remember few members of the family made comments like ‘Anam takes care of her like a mother.’ How much I wish I could take ’Z’ with me and just keep her with me. I basically had adopted her for the time I spent with her and wished so much to never let her go. She had gotten so used to the idea of me making sure that she had her meals on time that she knew during the wedding, she had to come to me with the plate of food and show me that she was actually eating. Few touchy moments were definitely during the wedding when she would literally make me give her food, as had other kids to their mothers and then would come find me to show me her empty plate.
One particular event had made my heart cry out for her and with her. One night of the wedding we had the ‘tabla’ singers at our house for entertainment. All our guests and other family members had gotten together for a night of great fun. During the night, many people requested one of the singers to sing the song ‘Maa’ (mother) by Abrar-ul-Haq. Many of us had cried during the song not only because of fact that many of us had lost our mothers or mother-like-figures (In my case, my nani (grandmother) was the mother I had lost). Throughout the song, I had my eyes on ‘Z’ & ‘H’ as I knew this would affect them both a lot. Right about in the middle of the song, ’H’ went out of the room crying. Few minutes later ‘Z’ ran out as well – everyone at the moment knew what was going on. I, myself had been crying to the song but I ran after her. Instead of consoling her, I ended up crying with her. Then we had other people consoling us 
.
Few days after the wedding, ‘Z’ and ‘H’ had to go back home as their father would not let them stay longer. The morning she left, the girl cried like no tomorrow. Not wanting to go. I had almost begged my mami and her dad to let her stay a bit longer, at least few days more as I too would be leaving soon. Uncle had not agreed. I then made her a promise to call her daily and talk to her. Hmmm the day after she left, I called her and first thing she said to me was ‘Anam baji, I miss you so much. I don’t want to forget your face, please send me your picture. I want to remember you forever’. Me, being the emotional person that I am, ended up crying and closed the phone on her. She, the silly one that she is, thought I did not want to give her the picture and because did not want to say no to her, I just shut the phone down. 
From that day onwards, I have made sure to give her a call even if it’s only few minutes each day. Her laughter, her smile, her voice, it touches me so much. I have never felt so attached to a child like I have with her. I realized what a motherless child feels, especially at that age. Understanding everything yet not trying to show your emotions and wishing every moment that your mother was with you. No child wishes to be without a mother but no child wishes to have a step-mother who doesn’t treat you like your own child. Deep down, I truly truly wish I could just adopt her and keep her with me forever. I would do anything just to see her every day and make sure she becomes a little healthier and gets all the happiness she and her brother deserve.
Hmmm…cherish every moment you get with your mom. When she is not there is when you really realize the value of her. God Bless.
The lack of writing anything new was a result of a mental shutdown on my part .
.
