Saanams Mind

Been a while since I got down to write anything. My mind seems to be on a blip…bliip….bleeeeeeep….blank mode. Jokes apart , life has become so frenzied and busy have hardly had time to actually think.

Just wanted to share with my regular visitors that I have had some good stuff happening in my life as well. After 10 years of struggling a bit to make our business a success my hubby and his bro have made our family business a name in the business circles with an award at the National level coming in recognition for their hardwork. Its even more of an honor as it was awarded to us from an overwhelming 3 lakh entries and was recognition for staying afloat and having a viable working plan to make profits at a time when recession hit the country So I have been on a high .

A week away from my daily routine and a week of lazy bliss at my sisters place followed the awards nite and I enjoyed time away. Shopping at every known market in New Delhi, a visit and an unforgettable visit to Chandini Chowk in Old Delhi marked the highlights of the past week. A roadside book market at Darya Ganj and the unbelievable aloo tikki I had at a roadside shack….hmmm another picture memorised to cherish in my album of life.

I miss my friends , those I spent the better part of my past few years with. All of us have seemed to have arrived at a junction in our lives where we have some tremors to deal with, all at the same time .Some time to introspect and review life on the whole. In my moments of pride, moments of happiness and in my moments of laughter I miss them the most. When I shed tears I think of the good times I had with them and hold on to these thoughts. On this Thanksgiving weekend I thank God for my family and friends .What would I be and where would I be without them.

The next few weeks are literally going to keep me on the road and living off suitcases.Travel seems to be on the cards. So hope to get back to regular blogging once am back.

Till then folks…Eid Mubarak, Happy Thanks giving and at the close of the year, do spend time to reflect on the past year, the happenings, the changes and more specially what you have done and what you could better . A time to introspect, change and become a better human. A time to try and correct the faults in us. A time to set right the wrongs we have done and a time to let go and move on to a new year, new beginings.

Caio n see ya in a few days .

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”– Anonymous

Isnt that true of friends….some of whom we make a ‘forever’ pledge with…. but does forever really exist.??? I dont think so. People change, circumstances change and people may drift apart no matter how much people respect each other or care for the other .I wonder what can really drive a wedge between two people who were inseparable before. I gave it some thought and here is what I feel can seperate friends.

* Other relationships -While some friendships are not tested by these changing dynamics, a lot of friendships fail when a third person enters the relationships.There can be a ganging up or speaking behind the back that can mess the relationship.There can be a competition for attention.an entry of a third person can cause a slight change in the relationship.

*Love and Marriage-Its amazing how everything changes when one of the friends fall in love. Suddenly they are always unavailable to you even when you need them the most . Even worse if one is single and the other gets married. They may prefer to hang around with other ‘couples’ rather than a single friend. The priorities shift and while two people mature enough can handle it, most dont…losing friends , unable to balance the new entrant in their lives.

*Children – Children demand a lot of time and attention and throw any household out of sync … making sure the parents schedules are planned according to their needs. This puts the parents out of touch with friends as people without the responsibility of kids can indulge in a lot of activities like concerts, nights out etc …which parents of lil children may have to put on a back burner for a while.

*Lifestyle changes- This can make friends move apart too. For example when among two friends who liked drinking together ,one gives up drinking…the other may not like it. They may have been buddies in college and in time each may drift into different habits while one may stick on to the same . Its only but natural for them to go different ways.

* Moving- When distance instead of making hearts grow fonder can drive the two apart. Specially college buddies who move away to start their careers always mean to keep in touch but the excitement, drive and ambition can create a distance, the geographical distance playing a part in it as well.

*Different paths- Sometimes friends who choose different paths have nothing in common to talk or share about… they may have less of a common ground to share on. Time changes them…they go different paths so they drift away from each other.

* Grief- This one is something that changes a person the maximum. Grief can in someone bring in so many changes…some for the better..some for the worse. Anger, disappointment, hurt,
helplessness all these associated feelings with grief can change one within while the friend watches feeling utterlly helpless and unable to help in anyway.The friendship may suffer as a result.

Nothing in life is a constant except change. With change most of the dynamics of a relationship changes….I believe a true friendship that is meant to last does as it goes beyond these superficial changes in life. It lasts if the two people involved want to make it last. I have had a few friends from my kindergarten days with whom I share a friendship for over 33 years. We still gel as well as we did years ago. I have real close buddies from the past 3 years…with whom I have been through a lot and they have been there with me every step of the way….
I believe anything is possible if you apply your mind to it completely. So are friendships. If you want them to last they will provided both want it to. Those who leave..they are precious jewels in the chain of memory we treasure.

What do you think changes the dynamics of a friendship sometimes?

Time…memories…tears …reminders..

My baby turns 5 today. No longer a lil fellow. Amazing how time flies by. Five years of laughter, tears, memories, pain. new relationships, old ones , some gone forever.As I look at the past five years I wonder about myself. I have changed. Big changes in me , specially the past year. Today a lot of memories came tumbling back in my mind, bringing a small smile on my lips and tears in my eyes. Can that ever go away? The memories???

Five years ago after a pretty tough pregnancy , battling high blood pressure and balancing everything, when my baby came into this world, my smooth as a clock running household that consisted of my elder son and hubby turned topsy turvy. A wailing ,squalling, attention seeking brat who just turned me to mush with his smiles and antics. Sleepless nights, smelly diapers, worry at every sneeze and cough….my world centred all around him. Deciding to be a full stay at home mom, I battled my moments of boredom and filled it with the gurgles of my baby and music. Today when I see him speak and play, learn something new or just smile and hug me…the ‘I love you mama’ makes it worth every moment.

Five years…so many friends, new cousins, nephews, neices and so many new people in my life. Memories attached to each one of them. Some stayed and became closer, while a few were recalled by God. Yet a few more decided to break my heart and walk away leaving me to cope with the shattered pieces around me…trust and faith all in tiny fragments …blinking up and asking me “think you can put it together once again”???

Five years …a smile reminding me of things, words and phrases bringing back some thoughts.But the biggest reminder music…each song specially connected to certain people ….the lyrics connecting me to them. Circumstances changed and a few of them connected to the songs drifted away…..I gave up music completely. They were too painful for me to hear as they always made me weep and think about good times. But I slowly am going back to them now…learning to cope and move on.

Five years…so many moments of laughter with Anam n Shona and many others….the times together bringing such moments of happiness into my heart, a warmth that nothing can take away from me. Special people who I have been blessed with…Precious to me and treasured for a lifetime…No matter what I have that and can time take that away from me ?? No.

Five years … a part of which I spent getting to know some special people in my life…my kids…Anam n Shona .A blessed gift from the one above as they have enriched my life so much more …I thank God for these five years.I would not change it for anything else .

“Death is a night that lies between two days”. ~A Jewish saying.

Some fear death, others accept it as a natural phenomena but nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of a loved one to death. They are never going to come back. Never will you see them talking to you, caring about you. Never will you again feel the warmth of their love, never will you hear their laughter again. Those moments that you shared with them are only going to be moments you treasure all your life.

A friend very recently lost their mom when she gave up her battle with cancer a few days ago and it brought back memories that were hidden under a surface all these years.Thoughts of an aunt who was more of my mother haunt me a lot these days. I lost her to cancer 13 and a half years ago . Even while they say time is a healer, have I really gotten over her death? The answer to this would be a no. A huge vaccum is created by her loss, something that never quite filled up even though each one of us who were a part of her life learned to cope with it in time. Tears still fill my eyes when I think of her.

Everytime I hear of death, mourning, etc, I ponder over this. Does one who tells you they understand really understand the pain you go through unless they have experienced the loss of a loved one? We tell ourselves we are accepting it and that we are coping but as I have seen it , in time it just gets worse when the shock wears off and the inevitable slowly sinks in. The person will never be a part of your life again except in our memories and in our hearts.Yes we learn to move on and accept but the pain always remains as a dull throb in our hearts.

Death always brings about many changes. Changes in relationships…so many break ….new ones are formed. Changes in individuals…for better…some for worse. There is lot we question about…where we are headed, maybe the futility of the lives we lead. How petty the issues that we consider huge really are…. the purpose of life… so many thoughts for which we seek answers.

No matter how much we prepare ouselves, we just can never be ready to accept death of a loved one. Even though it is the natural progression of life, the only way our soul knows to move on leaving the body behind, we are always taken unawares when a loved one dies. At a total loss , left without bearings even though we know it happens to each one of us.And it will continue to happen. Many times . But each time it is still a shock. An unbearable loss.

Maybe it is time to acknowledge that life has so much more meaning than the little things that bother us. We have been sent down to earth on borrowed time that is real short…shouldn’t we actually utilise this leased time in a manner that allows us to grow and do good instead of holding us in a time warp…bound by petty feelings of anger, misunderstandings, grudges and hatred??? Because ultimately if you really look you will see we all land up in the same place…below the earth . Death the great leveller makes sure that we go exactly the way we came …carrying with us nothing but the body we came with. So why not really pursue what we are born for .To love, learn, care and share.

Death of a loved one must be just that… a firm lesson to remind us to be grounded …for God is the one who controls it all .

Well Anam and I decided to help those bitten by the writing bug by starting a new platform for them to showcase what they want to say. Thought Frenzy. A new website  where anyone who has some thing original to say can write their wonderful  thoughts .Thought Frenzy- as it will be many different thoughts of different writers , varied topics, various styles of writing.

For now we have Hamza, who had  a  couple of his poems on Saanams .

Savera who will be writing under the name of Savvy

BilloRani who will begin on this wonderful journey with words.

If any of you are interested in adding articles to the site we welcome you to get in touch with us If not, do encourage those who are contributing to the site by reading and leaving your feedback on Thoughts Frenzy .

Do visit http://thought-frenzy.com

Look forward to seeing you there as well.

Did you know,
I could never let you go, you’re just my mountain so
keep me still, keep my plates from shaking
you’ve got a heart so pure
not so sure, what the future holds
but I do know one thing though
you’re the one,
you’re the one,
one who’s therapeutic to my soul..