Saanams Mind

Its really great to protect someone,  looking out for them, making them feel we are always there for them, making sure they do not make mistakes, and if they do cover for them. All of us would have done one or more of this for friends, relatives, people we care about at one point of our life. At the end of it we feel happy. But the question is should we? Lots of places, we get to decide what we do, and we decide based on our support system. Some do it based on the risk factor, some do it on instincts, some do it on advice and some they just do it. None of the above decision making methods can guarantee success, but some more than others have been proven more in the history, and again it boils down to a person’s nature to choose any method.

I have always looked out for people I care, and in many cases gone out of the way to make sure they do not end up making the mistake. But lately I have developed alternate thinking towards it. Lately there has been a lot of change and one is my approach. Recently, I have had some dilemmas, where I felt a dear one was making a mistake. A friend, A relative and A colleague. All three in different facets in my life. I do not want to mention the mistakes, as I do not want to offend them, In fact that was the whole point. As I choose, not to tell them. What I really felt about their decision. I realized, its important to let them make mistakes, they might suffer a problem or two, but it sure makes them learn. All the 3 people involved, I was sure they are mature enough to deal with their mistakes, and am sure they would come out of it more strongly.

Our society is guilty of too much looking out. There are too many people to tell you what to do and what not to. But if the person is not let to learn from the smaller mistakes, what would he do when he gets to face the real problems in life. Relationships, priorities and money all can be a big thing, but till one point of time in life, they can be corrected. But a person learning to fight his own battles, more than that owning up to his mistakes and overcoming it, is a bigger lesson to teach, rather then using the shortcuts and providing them with an answer.

There are often moments in your life that you never want to relive again – no matter what. It would be easy to just toss them out of your life and never let them enter your life again. Of course, that would be having a perfect life. But it doesn’t work that way, does it?

As the 2010 began, I made few resolutions that I will, inshallah, stick to this year. I wouldn’t say that January is a month of ‘change’ for me as I think we go through change daily and not in particular month. There are a lot of changes I made in 2009. Some happened due to circumstances and others I made myself, for myself. And I’m glad I did. I have been a better person since then. I have not looked back since then and I’m so happy because it’s given me a chance to look at life totally from a different angle.

January is not my favorite month. It’s the month I lost one of my dearest friend few years ago. Moment that I can never forget as I felt I couldn’t do anything to prevent it – though we were miles away. I never want to live through those moments again but life is strange. What we don’t want – happens and what we want – doesn’t. Few days ago, I got a similar message that I had gotten from my late friend. The message read something along the lines of ‘Be Happy always. Pray that God forgives me for my actions. You too, please forgive me.’ My heart skipped a beat. Does this mean that I think it means? Is it a joke to get my attention? All sorts of thoughts were attacking my brain. I just prayed to God at that moment to please not repeat those moments I’ve been trying to forget. It’s been hard enough. Especially because if this happened – it would be considered to be my fault as I’ve been told previously I would be the reason they would end their life.  It’s the worst thing you can say someone to, to give a blame to someone that one will live with.

If the above wasn’t enough, a dearest uncle met with an accident and ended up having brain hemorrhage. He has been in coma for a week now. Even though the brain surgery went Okie, we need him to come out of the coma. Again living my worst moments. Having gone through this multiple times with my best friend – it was déjà vu all over again. It not only came as a shock but it was also the moment I have been telling myself to never go through again. One week and still no response. My heart tells me he will wake up but my mind isn’t too sure. I have seen miracles happen and I have hope that I will live to see another miracle happen. I can’t go through this hell. It scares me every moment because I know the feeling of going through it and just praying for your loved one to wake up. The family is going through that right now. I wish I was there to tell them it’ll all be Okie and that I know what they’re going through.

Why can’t we relive the happy moments over and over instead of the worst ones?

Muharram is here! Muharram is the first month of the Islamic calendar. It is one of the four sacred months of the year in which fighting is prohibited. Since the Islamic calendar is lunar, Muharram moves from year to year when compared with the Gregorian calendar. Muharram is so called because it was unlawful to fight during this month; the word is derived from the word ‘haram’ meaning forbidden. It is held to be the most sacred of all the months, excluding Ramadan.

The word “Muharram” is often considered synonymous with the event of Ashura. Ashura, which literally means the “Tenth” in Arabic, refers to the tenth day of Muharram. It is well known because of historical significance and mourning for the martyrdom of Hussain ibn Ali (Hussain, Son of Ali), the grandson of the Islamic Prophet Muhammad at the Battle of Karbala in the year 61 AH (AD 680). It is a day of speeches, public processions, and great grief. Men and women chant and weep, mourning Husayn, his family, and his followers. Speeches emphasize the importance of the values for which Husayn sacrificed himself, his family, and his followers. For centuries Shi’a pilgrims flocked to Karbala during Muharram to see their imam and be there for the mourning.

Ashura is significant as the day that Allah (God) saved Moses (Peace Be Upon Him) and the Israelites by parting the Red Sea and drowning Pharaoh. When the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) migrated to Medina, the Jews told him that Moses (Peace Be Upon Him) fasted in gratitude on Ashura, and Jewish practice was to fast Ashura as well. Upon learning this, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) replied, “We have more right to Moses than you,” and he commanded Muslims to fast Ashura. Later, when fasting the entire month of Ramadan became obligatory, the Ashura fast was declared optional, and Muslims were instructed to differentiate their fast from the Jews by fasting the 9th or 11th of Muharram along with the 10th. Many Muslims fast from the 1st of Muharram till the 10th of Muharram.

As all know, there are two groups Sunnis and Shi’as. Sunnis only fast for the reason above and believes fasting on Ashura offers the reward of having their previous year’s sins forgiven. This is based on the hadith in which the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) said: “For fasting the day of Ashura, I hope that Allah will accept it as expiation for the year that went before.”

While Shi’as observe the 10th of Muharram for an entirely different reason – it marks the day that Hussain, son of Ali and grandson of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), was killed as a martyr at the Battle of Karbala. Ashura is a major festival of self-reflection for Shiites, and they commemorate the tragic death of Hussain with outward displays of grief and mourning.

Such displays of grief, however, contradict the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him). Ashura (10th Muharram) was not declared a holiday by the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), who cautioned Muslims about religious innovations: “Those of you who live after my death will see many disputes. I urge you to adhere to my Sunnah (teachings and traditions) and the Sunnah of my rightly guided successors who come after me.”

This year Muharram started on December 18th (1st Muharram) and will end on January 16th, 2010.

I wish you all a blessed new year. May Allah (swt) answer all your prayers, give you good health, forgive your sins, answer your prayers and bless you with all that one desires. Strive harder to reach your goals, forgive and forget, prayer for peace in the world and remember each other in your prayers. And remember, Humanity is above all.
God Bless!!!!!

This came up in my management class this week and I’ve been thinking about it since. In fact, we all had quite a debate on it. I thought I’d share some of my views about it on the blog here.

Stereotypes. They exist, you can defend yourself against them but can you ever deny them? You broadly classify every person in one of the ‘stereotypical’ groups the minute you see them or the minute you get to know a little about them, even if it’s only by hearsay.

By their very nature stereotypes is a word having a negative connotation. There is no person (and I talk of a reasonable man) who would voluntarily like to be classified. Most of the times people are given a title, a classification even before they can prove their mettle. And the sad part is or the point to be noted here is that most people, once given a ‘stereotypical’ title are unable to remove themselves from them. A jock remains a jock, especially until he finishes high school. He might suddenly develop an interest in theatre, but he will always be known as the guy on the football team dating the cheerleader.

As human beings we are incapable of not mentally categorizing and while this is also necessary at times it is also inescapable. Have you ever wondered that if in the 8^th grade someone had not called you a nerd or a geek you might have gone and tried out for the football team? Or if someone hadn’t not screamed ‘terrorist’ when they found of you were Muslim you might have been a little less rebellious or a little more confident and proud of who you are? (Being a Muslim, I’m very proud regardless of what people have thought of me after 9/11.)

Suddenly labeling someone has become a trend and an important part. What people do not realize is that this same labeling is detrimental to the being of most people. Agreed some people when labeled are more confident, some people are proud of being labeled and some people strive to fall and maintain the stereotype they are in. But I would think that most people do not like being labeled; most people would do better without having the additional pressures and most people long to fit into a different ‘stereotype’.

We often do not like being labeled ourselves but we never shy away from doing the same with another. Have you ever thought whether you shaped the stereotype or whether the same stereotype is responsible for shaping you? Have you ever wondered how the world would be without every blond being treated dumb, without every German being called a Nazi, every Asian being called intelligent, without every Indian being called poor and every Muslim being called a terrorist?

‘Society exists only as a mental concept, in the real world there are only individuals’
- Oscar Wilde

I came across this quote today and couldn’t help but think does a ’society’ really exist? What is really right? What’s wrong? Who decides that? We, as humans are so caught up with what our society thinks that we forget we are also individuals.

From what I’ve always heard, Right is something which is said to be ‘socially correct’. Some others may define right as something that is in conformance with the law and the order of the land. Right has come to be believed as something that the society deems correct, the society agrees with and that with which the societal values coincide. So in short it is thus safe to come to the conclusion that right is something that is accepted by the society and thus can be said to be morally, ethically and socially right. I will come to the part about society in a bit.

Wrong is something which is not in accord with established code of conduct. I think I can also safely say that something that is contrary to the conscience or morality of law. Wrong in simpler words is the exact opposite of right. Here we take wrong in a negative connotation. Now one question that crops up in my mind and I am sure in each of our minds is that when we say a particular thing is ‘right’ while the other is ‘wrong’, why do we say that? Who determines this? Who distinguishes them and why do we take things as acceptable and unacceptable? What makes the human psyche think in such a manner and how ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ really are the things?

Most say it is the society that decides but then comes my above point, who is this ’society’ and how does it decide? Why does the so called ‘society’, assuming such a body exists, decide and differentiate between these things?

I’ve taken sociology in school and am currently taking in college. From what I’ve learned, ‘Society’ is said to be a group of individuals that are primarily characterized by common interests, needs and goals. It is also said to be a totality of all human relationships and organizations. If we take this to be true then it is safe to assume that every living being would be a part of society per se and hence be involved in the decision making process of right and wrong, no? However this is not so since objectively speaking, no individual would do something he himself has christened as wrong. Assuming such a society does decide the right and wrong, what I want to know now is that on what basis is the punishment decided for committing a wrong?

Many times I’ve heard people around me say that humans are born with an innate sense of moral responsibility and a sense of justice, a sense of right and wrong. So..does that mean that some people are more fortunate than others in this gift and thus some go on the ‘right path’ and some on the ‘wrong path’? But then many times what is considered right in some parts/places of the world is considered wrong in the others. What is the reason for that? Does this sense we possess differ so much? Why is say for example abortion or mercy killing legal or ‘right’ in some countries while illegal or ‘wrong’ in the others? (With that said, consider that without thinking about the role that religion plays in my example!)

Many also say that it is the society we live in that grooms us, teaches us and influences our decisions of right and wrong. If that is so does this merely increase our innate sense and give it meaning or does it over write what we were supposed to be born with?

I just want to know is there even a society that exists or is it a fragment of our imagination, something we can blame our faults upon? Does there exist this amalgamation of bodies, of humans, of organizations that decides or is instrumental in the way we think and analyze or are we our own people, merely individuals, who decide for ourselves?

I’ve always believed and practiced that each individual makes their own decisions. I don’t believe in letting the society make decisions for me or influence me to think about what they consider to be ‘Right’ is indeed right. Maybe I’m wrong…but according who? I can honestly say that half the time, I don’t agree with anything our so-called society has to say about anything. I don’t agree with the “dos and donts” of the society. Does that make me a sinner? Does that make me a bad person? Does that mean that society shouldn’t accept me as a human? Or does it sincerely means that I believe in making my own choices and learn from them?

Everybody once in a while wants to escape reality, right? But we can’t always do it or fly to wherever it is we want to go, so how do you turn your mundane world into your escape?

For me, I escape reality by writing, putting down my thoughts and do some deep thinking. I choose books, music, and friends. Basically, I get lost in my friends and my music.I get lost in somebody else’s life so I don’t have to deal with mine. My music keeps me going, it makes me do a lot of deep thinking and a loads of soul-searching. I’ve often been told that what I listen to is not reality, its someone’s thoughts…but then how is it that my thoughts are exactly the same? Why do I get lost into those thoughts? Sometimes, it’s not even a necessary escape for me; sometimes… well, it just happens.

Lately, I feel that I’ve had the need to think more, to write more, to go in for a lot of soul-searching, to get lost more. I know it’s not the greatest defense to deal with my problems, but it helps me stay calm and most probably positive about things that are terrifying me inside. It helps me find my own way to cope.

Is there a chance you could ever get so lost, you can’t get back out again? I don’t know really… maybe it depends on the escape, right? My escapes aren’t that damaging to life, or at least I think so. But other people have different escapes, may it be drugs, alcohol, thrill-seeking, etc. So for those people, how do they know when it’s time to stop faking and time to start dealing? How does anyone know? Do you wait for it to get that bad?

I don’t know really. If you haven’t realized by now, I like to pose questions that have many answers, some of which are clear and some of which are not. But, that’s life right? Sometimes it’s clear and fun and other times it’s all muddled up with so much crap that you don’t know how to deal.

Sometimes I feel that escaping reality for a little bit makes me a better person inside. It gives me hope that everything will be Okie eventually. I like to think that I don’t do deep thinking but in reality, I do.

That’s my way of escaping reality. What’s yours?

Over the years I’ve met a lot of people in person and online. Friendships have been formed… some have faded from sight, some simply fell apart as our paths took us in opposite directions, some were broken due to fights, and lucky some are stronger than ever.

It was a slow realization but it hit me today that really the people I’ve been turning to lately haven’t been my old friends.

At one point over the past few months I had one of those old friends tell me that she didn’t feel like she knew me any more. Part of me, of course, wonders how well the ‘older’ friends really know/knew me to begin with since I was so closed until more recently. I think that the dissolving of some of these relationships lately has been because I am more open, I am more positive, I don’t hold back, and maybe it’s just too much. My opinions before were stated but often muted a bit… but were still considered to be blunt, when now it’s been upped a few notches to what I really think… I don’t believe in sugar-coating, never have and probably never will.

Really though I’m finding that a lot of people don’t like it when you’re straight-forward about what you think or believe. We live in a society, it seems, where people prefer you to lie to them so they can believe whatever it is they want to believe instead of being faced with what you really think. That’s not the kind of friend I prefer though – I’d much rather have one who I can always know where I stand with. We might not always agree, things might not always be pretty – but it’s not glossed over and watered down or, worse yet, just completely false. I can handle truth, but absolutely feel ill when I find out someone’s going to different people with different stories (and there’s always someone who’ll do this – sometimes though you find yourself disappointed by the one who decided to play all sides of the fence and pretty much just screw everyone over).

It was in evaluating my friendships with a few people that my thoughts began coming down this road, but that’s not to say that it’s all pertaining to any certain individual or individuals. My thoughts to this point really have been very general, and as they’re beginning to feel more specific I’ll end. One thing, though, is for damned sure. Right or wrong I’m true to myself. I never pretend. What I say is what I really think and feel.

To reflect this though I’m trying to change a few things in my life and that includes cleaning up a lot of things. If I’ve not had a real conversation with you outside of few comments here and there in a while or there hasn’t been some sort of other interaction you’ve been removed, regardless of how long I’ve known you or the type of friendship we’ve had in the past. I have decided to start afresh & so in order to do that would want to start off with only the people I have a personal connection with. I don’t mean to make it personal, so please don’t take it as such. I feel that I would rather relate to people I connect with no matter how my relation ships have been in the past.

If you think you can relate to the new me and want to connect with me, you are more than welcome to do so.

I don’t think we’re thankful enough. We, humans want everything and we want it instantly but are we ever thankful for what we are blessed with? I honestly don’t think so. We aren’t thankful enough. Thankful to God, to people around us, to our loved ones..for everything we are blessed with in our lives.

Though I’m thankful to God for many things, I still think I don’t appreciate it enough as I should. Little things that I have been blessed with. The people who make my life so beautiful and make me appreciate so much each moment I breathe. There are few very very special people in my life who have been my great strength through some very difficult times. They have been there when I didn’t think I deserved anyone in my life. They’ve understood me when no one was willing to even listen to what I felt or wanted in life. So I’m very thankful to God for sending these angels into my life. They have been true blessings. They have been there to see me go through up and down in life and have encouraged me only to think and do positive. They have given my reasons to look at the bright side of everything.

Why are we humans so selfish? Why do we want everything but don’t take the time to thank God for giving it all to us? Why don’t we appreciate what we have instead of always praying and hoping for more? Are we really all about materialistic things?

Feeling very happy, blessed, thankful and at peace at the moment. We all make mistakes but whether we learn from our mistakes is what makes us different from others. I have certainly learned from past mistakes and experiences. I hope God keeps showing me the right path and gives me much more to be thankful for.

Here’s little something that has always inspired me to do my best and be grateful to God for all I have and God Willing, will have

Tere Rang Rang – Abrar-ul-Haq

Have you ever realized when someone lies, they aren’t able to accept the truth? When a person lies, it’s never once – it starts with a one lie but it just goes on like a cycle. To cover up one lie, the person just keeps going on and on. Often I’ve noticed when a person is lying, they don’t remember what they said to few different people on the same exact topic or situation. It’s easy to catch the liar this way. It’s easy to figure out the person is lying when they keep forgetting what they had said to someone. For example, if someone today tells me something about a situation, tomorrow the same person will not remember what they said, so they will make up something new. Hence, the lies just goes on and on.

When a person lies, they aren’t able to accept the truth. They think the other person is also stupid, so they just keep lying. What they don’t actually realize is that people aren’t stupid, they just keep quiet to see how low you will stoop. How far you will continue to go to cover up your lies. In fact, when these kind of people are told the truth, they run. They run from the situations, they say things that have no value. In fact, they start accusing others. It’s amazing what people will do to cover themselves. They think by accusing another person, they will get away. What they don’t realize is that, even if the Human beings don’t say anything, or if they don’t stoop to your level, God is watching everything. How far can you run? You will one day have to answer to not Humans, not the people you lied to or hurt with your lies, but to God.

When a person’s heart, mind and soul is clean, they don’t run. They don’t run away from the reality of situations. They don’t run from facing the people. In fact, they proudly face the situations. However, when a person’s heart, mind and soul is not clean, they start accusing others, they start making up things for their benefits and they start ruining relationships. I have always been told that it takes years to build a relationship but it takes a mili-second to break it. How true! When I get into any relationship, I give my 1000%. Whether it’s family or friends. I am not able to tolerate lies. I am not able to keep quiet when someone is being accused for something they have not done, nor do I keep quiet when relationships are being played around with. I am very outspoken – it’s a very well known fact to those who know me. I speak my feelings and I do it clearly. When someone teaches you to always speak the truth, be honest, instead of talking behind someones back, talk to the face…I do it. I have always been taught that. I do exactly that – except it gets too hot to handle for some people. They do not want to face the reality, they do not want to face the world with the lies they have told or continue to tell to fool people. For me, these kind of people are too into themselves. They don’t care about people or how it can affect someone.

I don’t keep quiet when my loved one is affected by such people. I do not keep quiet when the one I love is being hurt by someone who has nothing better to do in life than to boost their own ego. I do not keep quiet when someone I love is being played around with. I do not keep quiet when someone I love is being told lies so that someone else can cover up themselves. I do not keep quiet when someone uses another person, innocent person to take revenge. I certainly don’t keep quiet when someone I love is put in the hospital because someone is being selfish.

So if you lie, learn to handle it as well. If you don’t like being told the truth, don’t preach honesty. One should not preach what they can not follow themselves. Unfortunately, this cruel world is filled with people who love to preach good but don’t actually follow it. Don’t listen to themselves. So look into yourself first before preaching the world. Truth isn’t easy to handle, it does get too hot to handle when you aren’t used to telling the truth yourself either.