Over the years I’ve met a lot of people in person and online. Friendships have been formed… some have faded from sight, some simply fell apart as our paths took us in opposite directions, some were broken due to fights, and lucky some are stronger than ever.
It was a slow realization but it hit me today that really the people I’ve been turning to lately haven’t been my old friends.
At one point over the past few months I had one of those old friends tell me that she didn’t feel like she knew me any more. Part of me, of course, wonders how well the ‘older’ friends really know/knew me to begin with since I was so closed until more recently. I think that the dissolving of some of these relationships lately has been because I am more open, I am more positive, I don’t hold back, and maybe it’s just too much. My opinions before were stated but often muted a bit… but were still considered to be blunt, when now it’s been upped a few notches to what I really think… I don’t believe in sugar-coating, never have and probably never will.
Really though I’m finding that a lot of people don’t like it when you’re straight-forward about what you think or believe. We live in a society, it seems, where people prefer you to lie to them so they can believe whatever it is they want to believe instead of being faced with what you really think. That’s not the kind of friend I prefer though – I’d much rather have one who I can always know where I stand with. We might not always agree, things might not always be pretty – but it’s not glossed over and watered down or, worse yet, just completely false. I can handle truth, but absolutely feel ill when I find out someone’s going to different people with different stories (and there’s always someone who’ll do this – sometimes though you find yourself disappointed by the one who decided to play all sides of the fence and pretty much just screw everyone over).
It was in evaluating my friendships with a few people that my thoughts began coming down this road, but that’s not to say that it’s all pertaining to any certain individual or individuals. My thoughts to this point really have been very general, and as they’re beginning to feel more specific I’ll end.
One thing, though, is for damned sure. Right or wrong I’m true to myself. I never pretend. What I say is what I really think and feel.
To reflect this though I’m trying to change a few things in my life and that includes cleaning up a lot of things. If I’ve not had a real conversation with you outside of few comments here and there in a while or there hasn’t been some sort of other interaction you’ve been removed, regardless of how long I’ve known you or the type of friendship we’ve had in the past. I have decided to start afresh & so in order to do that would want to start off with only the people I have a personal connection with. I don’t mean to make it personal, so please don’t take it as such. I feel that I would rather relate to people I connect with no matter how my relation ships have been in the past.
If you think you can relate to the new me and want to connect with me, you are more than welcome to do so.
June 28th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
That was a real honest one Anam & I see truth in all that you have said.
Very often given the circumstances in our lives we all change , sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse all just to help cope with what life throws our way. Change is the only constant in our lives & all of us grow or maybe just change how we are with time.Its when these changes occur we find that relationships change.We find people you relate to, or maybe out grow a few relationships.
I read somewhere that each relationship comes with different tag.Some are there for a reason, some for a season or some for a lifetime & i believe in it.The ones in your life for a reason are there just to probably help you through some phase in your life or they are there to meet a need you have expressed.Then suddenly one day they just leave when your need is met.
Some relationships last a season & these help you grow, share & care.These relationships bring one a lot of happiness & peace but last only for a season.
Then there are relationships that last for a lifetime & generally we put in our all into these relationships.whatever we learnt in the relationships of reason or season, we use them in the relationships of a life time.
So I look at every relationship that way. We learn from every relationship we have & it gets easier if accept them to be what they are.Smile And it makes sense to keep relationships that help you grow as a person & bring you joy than hanging on to destructive relationships that destroy you.
Anam, luv your thoughts & thankyou again for giving me a glimpse of what runs through that pretty head of your Kiss
June 28th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Very nicely written Anam.. keep it up, its true that sometimes seasons in a relationship are good and positive to have since change is “always” good. But then again all relationships require work and demand the time that they deserve. Keep it up