Saanams Mind

A few days ago while in conversation with one of  Anam’s Cousins, someone asked him the difference between a friend and a net buddy and I loved the way he explained  how a friend is one  who you spend a life time with and a net buddy one you spend time with. That got me  thinking on  how the word ‘friend’ is a widely used  word, often loosely used without actually looking into the meaning of the word and often is the most abused  of all words as most kind of unexplained relationships are swept under the wide umbrella of  the word called friendship. Maybe people do confuse the word with other relationships that one forms in a life time.How many really do mean the word or respect the relationship called friendship? Or is it the most convienient word to use ? Basically being a friendly person I do converse easily but it doesnt mean everyone I converse with becomes a friend. A couple are close friends, ones I dont hesitate to share personal details of my life with , to me they are close or best friends, not necessarily my life partners, but friends for life. A friendship doesn’t happen overnite as one earns the trust, nor does it break overnite just because one
has an argument, it does break but mostly over a breach of trust. Either you trust them or they are not your true friends, they are associates. I guess I have friends and all of them I can say I have known for 3 years or more. They are my ‘Friends’ because time has taught me that they are those  I can call ‘Friends’ and ones I have placed my trust in.

**The definition of a friend ….”Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other’s company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. They are confidants, ones you trust you can be your self with. The values that come with friendship are :-
* TRUST
* the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
* sympathy and empathy,
* HONESTY, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart,
* mutual understanding and respect. (*From The wikipedia*)**

To this I would add something called Transperancy, a friend is one you can speak your mind out to without any fear of judgement, or the fear of being betrayed. One you can communicate freely with. They are your support system, moral backup as well as the people who teach you so much about life . Most of the time they are two minds thinking as one . Two people of the same kind. Ones with whom you can be just that YOU for friendship rarely comes with “conditions”. It involves good communication like any other relationship.

Now to look at this word and the true meaning, it is pretty much a valued relationship….. to be a friend. But often we see the word totally abused by a few who do not respect the relationship for what it is. The following words describing different relationships are also termed under the word  ‘ FRIENDS’  maybe for the intimacy it gives or maybe for the safety cover it provides when someone is unsure of what the relationship is. Under the guise of the word ‘friend’ many abuse the very value of what friendship brings. According to me one should not call someone a friend unless they feel they can respect and  follow through the values of friendship mentioned above.

Net buddies, the people you are friendly with and may be spending time havin fun chatting with. Some may turn out to be good friends later in life but trust takes a while to build in these relationships. Most often people wind up calling net buddies friends .Now the term ‘Just friends’ well this brings to mind the bollywood style usage of the phrase, a relationship that actually is hiding much more than it is revealed by the two involved, specially when it is between people of different sexes . It is used mostly when 2 are in a  relationship, probably a physical one, but dont want the world to know about it .Hmmm is the usage of the word friend  justified here? Associates are people you know on a Hi n Bye basis but one cant really see the values of friendship in that relationship.They are people you may do one particular activity with. Maybe at work or maybe someone you play a sport with. But one cannot call them friends.Comrade-A fellow member of the same group one is in. Colleagues-  ones you work with.Now all these are loosely called friends when they are not . I would not call someone I have just met and am getting to know as a friend either because I am yet to know the depths of that person.

I guess the following quotes beautifully sum up friendship.
*”True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.”- Charles Caleb Colton

*”People are like stained glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross~

*“Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer”

You could share your thoughts or fav quotes on friendships .

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