Saanams Mind

“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

Only when you respect yourself do you get the respect you deserve. Took me a while to realise it. As a woman I was always taught that the only way to go in life was to put myself last as a priority. Please others, avoid confrontations and the easiest way to go about doing it is to just conform, dont speak your  mind and keep your needs as the last ones to be tended to. I did this… as a daughter, a wife and  as a mom  , maybe as a friend too. Till I realised what it was to be run over by a road roller.

Yeah surprising for a woman belonging to this current generation, I generally did a lot just to get smiles on many faces  …be it family, friends  , relations and relationships till I was left clutching at straws and they went their  merry ways. After a lot of introspection, I realised that my keeping quiet probably was the reason for many treating me shoddily. Though I am  quite an assertive person who spoke what was on my mind and knew to say no. I realise a lot of times with loved ones we tend to let them get away with anything without demanding the respect we deserve.

What is respect, an intangible feeling that you hold about yourself and about others . While it is an earned position, it choreographs the way  you behave towards yourself and towards others. It is generally shown through words and actions.Others can easily sense your care and love and respect for them with the way you act towards , behave with and with the way you speak to them. Small gestures like returning messages, phone calls, answering emails or keeping your promise made to them are small gestures of respect you show the other.

Respecting yourself  is the first step towards building others respect towards you. Dont allow others to walk over you.Sometimes our own hearts betray us into allowing some things  to be done by those we love and we accept any shoddy treatment they mete out. Change that. Dont allow anyone to take you for granted because you are an unique , special human being , a creation of God’s with your own unique wonderful qualities. If another doesnt respect you for it repeatedly, they do not deserve being  a  part of your life . Learn to forgive yourself and to stop being hard on yourself for all mistakes you have made however deplorable they may be.There is no point of feeling guilty and berating and making yourself feel miserable about yourself.
Gandhiji said “They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them” so hold on to that respect you have for yourself and that will teach others to respect you the way it should be.

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