Over the years I’ve met a lot of people in person and online. Friendships have been formed… some have faded from sight, some simply fell apart as our paths took us in opposite directions, some were broken due to fights, and lucky some are stronger than ever.
It was a slow realization but it hit me today that really the people I’ve been turning to lately haven’t been my old friends.
At one point over the past few months I had one of those old friends tell me that she didn’t feel like she knew me any more. Part of me, of course, wonders how well the ‘older’ friends really know/knew me to begin with since I was so closed until more recently. I think that the dissolving of some of these relationships lately has been because I am more open, I am more positive, I don’t hold back, and maybe it’s just too much. My opinions before were stated but often muted a bit… but were still considered to be blunt, when now it’s been upped a few notches to what I really think… I don’t believe in sugar-coating, never have and probably never will.
Really though I’m finding that a lot of people don’t like it when you’re straight-forward about what you think or believe. We live in a society, it seems, where people prefer you to lie to them so they can believe whatever it is they want to believe instead of being faced with what you really think. That’s not the kind of friend I prefer though – I’d much rather have one who I can always know where I stand with. We might not always agree, things might not always be pretty – but it’s not glossed over and watered down or, worse yet, just completely false. I can handle truth, but absolutely feel ill when I find out someone’s going to different people with different stories (and there’s always someone who’ll do this – sometimes though you find yourself disappointed by the one who decided to play all sides of the fence and pretty much just screw everyone over).
It was in evaluating my friendships with a few people that my thoughts began coming down this road, but that’s not to say that it’s all pertaining to any certain individual or individuals. My thoughts to this point really have been very general, and as they’re beginning to feel more specific I’ll end. One thing, though, is for damned sure. Right or wrong I’m true to myself. I never pretend. What I say is what I really think and feel.
To reflect this though I’m trying to change a few things in my life and that includes cleaning up a lot of things. If I’ve not had a real conversation with you outside of few comments here and there in a while or there hasn’t been some sort of other interaction you’ve been removed, regardless of how long I’ve known you or the type of friendship we’ve had in the past. I have decided to start afresh & so in order to do that would want to start off with only the people I have a personal connection with. I don’t mean to make it personal, so please don’t take it as such. I feel that I would rather relate to people I connect with no matter how my relation ships have been in the past.
If you think you can relate to the new me and want to connect with me, you are more than welcome to do so. 
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:07 am
Bang On Anam!!! Was just thinking of something I had written ages ago…Relationships that come in 3 categories, for a reason, season or a lifetime. Some are there for a specific reason, they just are around till the reason lasts. Some are for a season, they teach you things you need to know about life and the last one ….ones that last a life time…we use the lessons we learn from the other two kinds of relationships to deal with the relationships of a lifetime
I guess all of us need to springclean the relationships we cling to from time to time as a cleansing for ourselves. Being true to yourself should be first on the list and like you said …those who cannot tolerate that you , I guess you are better off without.
I value honesty and truth as much as you and can appreciate what you are doing…I am following the same path as well
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:03 am
Agree with both of you completely! No point in hanging on to friendships and relationships which are just there. I myself have done some soul searching and sifting. There are some, although i have contacted them to say hi/hello have not responded. I believe its better to have a handful of good friends than one hundred so-called friends who dont have time for me when i need them! In a way this is like looking through our wardrobe, and if there is something that we did not wear for the last two years, then we are better off getting rid of those!
Well said both of you!:)