Saanams Mind

For a long time now I have believed people who resort to extremism n violence, ones who kill random innocent people all belong to one community.A community that follows a religion called terrorism. They are not people who believe in God for God does not teach, preach or ask his followers to take the path of hatred , violence or killing. God’s way is the way of love and those who believe that believe in God . They are hindus, muslims, christians, buddists , jains or maybe even humanists. I believe people are good or bad first regardless of the way they choose to pray n reach out to God.

And then comes along a movie like My Name is Khan that rendered me completely speechless.It not only reflected my ideology, but the way the movie was made, superb acting by both Shah Rukh Khan n Kajol, excellent dialogues just got me very very emotional. While Rizwan played by Shahrukh endears us with his character , Kajol is just being herself a superb actress Every supporting role is well performed and all in all its a great movie .

But what really touched me, is that interpersed with the love story is a message that should come across to everyone that each one of us is a human being first and later Muslims , Hindus etc. We should look at each other in the way Rizwan looks at each one …pretty simple…just good humans and bad Its just that simple.

I just hope it reaches out n touches hearts in the way it did mine and people do learn from it…just not to get too carried away with this huge division we create amongst ourselves based on caste, creed, religion, color and nationalities. For beneath it all we are born the same way, are made up of 2 legs, hands, body, hair , blood, skin n bones, we need to eat to live and in the end we die the same way. What really matters is how good we are to the people who are around us, how many hearts we touch with our lives , our kindness , love and care. How many lives we make a difference to positively and how many faces we bring a smile to.

Hope each person understands that for thats how simple life is…even though its not that easy.

I read a story sent by my hubby that kind of moved me a lot n dampened my eyes . I thought sharing it here would in some way inspire people to believe in the healing power of love n so here it is. I hope you find it as endearing as I did.

SHE NEVER LEFT MY SIDE
© Michael Segal

Push…Puuush!” I called out to my friend, but it appeared that there was no use in trying anymore. My car was stuck in the mud, and I was on a double date. I was just 16 years old, and I wanted to make a good impression on my pretty and intelligent date. However, hearing the motor rev with the car still stuck in the mud did not earn brownie points for my friend or me in the eyes of our dates.

We continued to push and push, but there was no getting my car “unstuck” from the mud. Sharon, my date, was revving the car’s engine while Jeff and I were pushing and pushing. Finally, I said, “Enough!” Embarrassed, I approached Sharon as she sat behind the wheel of my mother’s red station wagon. Before I could speak I noticed the gear on the car: It was set on neutral!”

I set the gear to “drive,” instructed Sharon to wait until I gave her the signal to press down on the accelerator, and then went back to help Jeff push the car out of the mud.

That was our first date. Even though I got mud on my slacks, I had love in my heart. I was “stung” by the Love Bug.

Sharon and I dated seriously throughout high school. I went away to college as Sharon was finishing her senior year in high school. Our love, which was blooming, was only matched in size by our long-distance telephone bills.

The next year, Sharon joined me at the University of Texas. We were so happy. We thought we were on top of the world. We thought our lives were set. That was true until that eventful evening when in a split second our lives changed forever.

On February 18, 1981, we were studying at the library of the University. It was late, and Sharon told me that she had to return to her dormitory to go to sleep. We slid into my car and headed toward her dorm, but, unfortunately, my gas gauge was registering “empty.” I pulled into a nearby convenience store, borrowed $2 from Sharon, and walked into the store to pay for the gas.

Things do not always work out as one plans them. Unfortunately, the store was in the midst of a robbery, and one of the thieves forced me into the cooler. He followed me, pushed me to the floor, and calmly shot me in the back of the head-execution-style! The story does not end there. Yes, the criminal thought I was dead, thus eliminating any witness to the crime. However, when the thieves left the store, I still had a faint pulse.

Very few people believed I would remain alive much longer. That is why the police transferred my case to the Homicide division. That is also why the neurosurgeon, when he was awakened at his home to see me at the hospital, came quickly but returned home, as he believed an operation would be futile.

However, when the doctor returned to the hospital in the morning, he was shocked to see that I was still alive. He told my parents that an operation was necessary, but he added that he would be surprised if I survived the surgery.

I fooled all of the medical experts and survived the surgery. However, the surgeon warned my parents that even though I was still breathing, I would probably never be able to communicate with anyone or understand anyone who was attempting to communicate with me. Basically, the surgeon stated, I would be “a vegetable.”

Hearing those words, my father told Sharon, “Get on with your life.”

Sharon quickly replied, “Mike is my life.”

Even though we were not yet married, Sharon believed in the vows, “in sickness and in health.” She dropped out of college for one semester to be with me at the Rehabilitation Hospital in Houston where I was eventually transferred. Sharon was spending her time with her “drooling boyfriend in the hospital” while other college freshmen were spending their time at parties.

Eventually, Sharon returned to Austin to continue her college education. Once again we had enormous phone bills. My goal was to also return to Austin, to the University of Texas, to be with Sharon. Eighteen months after no one thought I would survive, I accomplished that goal. One of the primary reasons was … Sharon, my love, who refused to give up or give in.

Four years after returning to college I graduated. For me, that meant I could finally propose to Sharon, my light at the end of the dark tunnel. She was the one who would always encourage me to look forward and not to focus on the past.

On a beautiful day in May, Sharon and I exchanged vows and were married. We were meant to be together. We had dated for nine long and eventful years, but I realized at the wedding that it was worth everything. Sharon was truly my soul mate.

We have been married for many years and we have a beautiful daughter, Shawn. We have experienced so much-some bad, but more, much more, good. This is not just a “love letter” to my wife but the story of a girl’s overcoming everyone’s “rational” thoughts to stay behind with her critically injured boyfriend. To me it shows what kind of woman Sharon is–a beauty inside and out. Further, it shows the lesson of not giving up on one’s dreams. I give Sharon all the credit for my recovery-not me. I don’t know where I would be without her-definitely not where I am today.

{ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michael Jordan Segal, who defied all odds after being shot in the head, is a husband, father, social worker, freelanceauthor (including a CD/Download of 12 stories, read with light background music, entitled POSSIBLE), and inspirational speaker, sharing his recipe for happiness, recovery and success before conferences and businesses.}

Sometimes when life throws you a googly and you question everything…including love, a story like this motivates you to look at life different and inspires in you a belief in love again Hope it does do something positive for you too. God bless!

These words can be very very potent in damaging ones self confidence, self esteem because the premium is always on winning. Whatever you do,the pressure to win is so high, be it learning something new, doing something, the fear of losing is so much. No one wants to hear those dreaded few words..”You are a loser”.

Even deep down if you look at it and know since winning and losing are such relative terms and its not all that bad to lose sometimes, we still fear the term’ to lose’. We are in such a competitive world its always trying to win over someone else. This is not to glorify losing but sometimes losing is what keeps you grounded to the realities in life. Losing may make you gain so much more than winning all the time. It teaches you patience, teaches you endurance and gives you a strength to face the pain of losing.

To maintain a balance one has to both win some n lose some. That is how cosmically a cycle works. It helps cultivate a different perspective to looking at things . So maybe being called a loser is good at times as it teaches you to accept your defeat gracefully as well as embrace your achievements with deep humility.That is the secret of happy togetherness …no purpose, no outcome. Just an ‘otherness’ that enhances ‘togetherness’

So are you a loser? It definitely is good for you sometimes

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” Oscar Wilde
“ A cynic can chill and dishearten with a single word” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have wondered about suspicious people, who always look for negative underlined meanings in everything one says and feel so sad for them as they have no faith in the words of another human. What makes people cynical in life? Is it life’s experiences , or is the world so bad that any good words are also viewed with suspicion as to what does that person want…Has life become such a business transaction that people look for what they gain even from simple words uttered. Is it hard to find people who mean what they say from their heart or is the world so bad that even when you mean something from your heart , another meaning is searched for within the words you utter….

I read somewhere…I’d change my cynical view of the world but its all I have left at the end of the month. Saddens me to think the simple joys of living, simple words of care, simple words said just to make someone happy all seem to come at a big price these days…you get paid back with suspicion, distrust, anger, sarcasm etc… saddens me to think there is hardly any goodness seen in anything one does its all about investment n returns .

Would this cynicism go away. It saddens me further that with each passing day I am more n more disappointed in human nature I am more n more saddened by the distrust..the suspicion and the lack of faith gets to me.:) Would things change???Or am I headed towards a world of cynicism?

“Life is not an easy matter… You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness.” Leon Trotsky

Just reading about Shiv Sena and their histronics I just wonder why we , the most evolved of all beings are so stuck up on superficial n silly differences we make between ourselves. I wonder why where we are born or how we pray stops us from thinking about being human beings first …made of flesh n blood like any other human ?Why does being from Madras or Maharashtra become more important than being an Indian?To me its like my hand saying I dont belong to the body … am just a hand. Why cant we be a part of the whole and work collectively towards the best interests of the country and the world as a whole …work towards being good human beings instead of looking at everything through peep holes and with such small minds?

Cant the Shiv Sena work towards removing poverty, illiteracy, hunger and violence and free the country from the humongous problems we are facing instead of making a big issue about sports, about people from other parts of India working in Mumbai etc.

Its a shame that educated and well read people act as if they dont understand what it is all about and go along. I applaud Shah Rukh for speaking his mind out! The people who have vested interests and want to be in the limelite and choosing all the crap reasons for being there , should be dealt with seriously by the Govt and put away or banned for messing the peace of the country and creating disparity in society.

Shouldnt they be seen as the extremists they are disrupting law and order in a country that boasts of Unity in diversity? I feel a firm stand should be taken on minds that work adversely and put a stop to the growth of our country.

I would like to salute not just Shahrukh for speaking up but also applaud the times of India Group for the Aman ki Asha , a brilliant initiative to build bridges rather than break them .

Watch this “Aman Ki Asha ”

Instead of moving forward we seem to have groups like Shiv Sena n the so called Ram Sena creating more issues than mending them. Shame on them , the bullies who think brute force can speak better than education n common sense and resort to that to make themselves heard.

Watch this video linked here ‘Your inner girl‘

I watched this amazing video which talks about The girl within each one of us. The part that cares, nurtures, feels, loves, is sensitive and is in all the emotional part of every human. Sadly that is the part that is the most suppressed , kept under control because it shows the vulnerable part of you. Yet it is the part that helps you overcome every tough time , every sad part, every tragedy and every hiccup you come across in life.

This video came at a time when I was thinking about this incident…a 9 year old little girl , raped and left to die in Goa. I wondered how a human being can be so insensitive so as to not to think of the little innocent child and can be so brutal and in human towards a helpless little victim. Yes probably we are to blame for bringing up kids to be insensitive by suppressing the part of us that feels. A part of us that cares and cries. It always is seen as a weakness. The” girl cell”Its that emotional part of us , that cries , that feels, that loves …We always are hard on people who show emotions, specially men by telling them its not manly to feel that way.Don’t we stop them from crying as kids by telling them boys don’t cry? Don’t we stop them from watching mushy love stories by telling them its too girly?? What makes us stop them from touching that part of them that is sensitive?

It is the same emotional part that gives us the strength to get over everything and start afresh with new hopes, with more love and with a new enthusiasm . It is that emotional part that teaches us to feel and be sensitive to another human beings pain, feelings and teaches us to care n love , to nurture and help others. It is that emotional part that makes us go a little bit beyond ourselves to make people feel loved, feel safe and that part which helps us bring a few smiles on faces.

Should we kill that ‘girl cell’ in each human and suppress the emotional part in each one to create inhumane , disgusting examples of human beings like the rapist in Goa ? I think Not. Am proud to be a emotional caring creature and Yes am Proud to be a Woman and will continue nurturing that emotional me.

Sometimes you ask yourself What is life? Are you living for some greater purpose or are you just here to live past a cycle n move on. I ask myself this very often. What is life? Sometimes I feel my life has no meaning. That is when I give myself a lil talk and the following is just that which I tell myself to pep up

What is life?

‘You don’t go to find meaning in life, you bring meaning to your life. The meaning of life isn’t something out there waiting for you to discover it. The meaning of your life is what you infuse it with -beauty or ugliness, happiness or sadness. It is totally your choice, and God wants it to be your choice because God gave you free will.’

For each person the meaning of life probably would be different..for each one finds their own paths.There are no rules…just a different lesson to learn as you make different choices.You meet different mentors who lead you at certain points of your life , You may follow them as their way may look strong to you when you are at a weak point of your life .

Then one day you just get totally lost, that tells you , you probably made a wrong choice, that you did not handle a situation well. Its a sign that you need to make some corrections. In a way its a good thing to happen because life is giving you a chance to set yourself right.So if you harness your best intentions and claim your desires, accept your strengths and admit to your weakness, explore and utilize your gifts and talent and follow your heart with love for all, you can be your best guide as to what choices you make in your life . That will lead you on a path that is best suited for you.

Choices ….they give life a meaning.If something doesn’t seem right, look for or create something to make it better. Giving up can never be a good choice.You have to risk rejection to go after what you want, you have to risk failure to find success. Learn to cherish not lament, find allies instead of creating enemies and instead of letting negative energy create fears and cripple you, invent and find positive things to fill you with purpose in life.

Don’t Give up….Just give more….that will help you get a meaning to life. What according to you would be the meaning of life?

Does humor help making life seem easier than it is? Does laughter make a difference to how you look at things and lighten whatever load you can carry? Of course Wit always helps in making one feel better as it has a lot of positive energy it generates.It makes every situation less tense n better to handle.

Moments that make you laugh so hard you have tears in your eyes are moments you take with you as memories. They are the ones long remembered. Relationships where laughter is often heard or shared are ones you treasure.So Humor actually is like a ‘lubricant of life’ , it smoothens the way many a times and helps diffuse so many situations .

I have found that when I laugh at myself I automatically diffuse so many things and lighten the atmosphere to make it bearable for me and for those around too..specially when I feel am in the verge of breaking down into tears It eases tension, fear and sadness too. Often used as a cover to hide true feelings of sadness n hurt or used to ward off closeness from others.Nothing better than laughing with the other rather than laughing at another.

Humor has to be used appropriately and in the right circumstances, to be used constructively.There is a dark side to humor too, when it is targeted at others .It can be offensive hurtful humor too ,of the sinister kinds where another is ridiculed, this can be extremely damaging as the the object of ridicule may lose all confidence. This is often called black humor.

Life without humor is dull and devoid of any color.A laugh now n then keeps us humble n grounded too.It lightens the seriousness of life n makes some burdens seem easier to carry.Life isn’t as beautiful if you don’t laugh every now and then.Without humor, life’s bumps become hills and harsh words start wars.Life that is so serious by itself gets a sparkle with a bit of humor in it.

So laugh, laugh till you have tears in your eyes. Find something funny about yourself, funny about your situations in life and laugh, Spread and share laughter and you do get a weird satisfaction for being the reason for so many smiles:)So laugh for …“Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.” Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

Its been a while since I felt beautiful. Either bogged down by my thoughts, others actions targeting me n weighing my outlook towards life down, I found it so hard to believe in anyone, trust anyone . I would look at each sentence anyone uttered as something with a motive behind it. Far from the beauty, only the ugly side of life,lies, manipulation, gossip, rudeness and cruel actions with cruel intentions, hurtful words intended to cause harm beyond the thinkable followed me around, all covered under a haze of not taking responsibility for ones own actions, passing the buck so as to say, running away, avoiding and washing ones hands off the situation by just a few words…YOU are responsible for feeling miserable and YOU are the one who has your feelings in your hands. You cannot allow someone else to mess around your mind.

Sounds Good in books but takes a lot to put it to practice. But yes I did it. Even though it took me a bit to lick my wounds, I am trying and not because someone has to feel good about not being responsible for their actions but because regardless of their indifference to the damage they caused another person, I couldn’t destroy the person I had worked hard to be all the past years. It only takes a little time to stop breathe in the air and focus around.

The beauty that escapes you always leaves a hungry soul behind and while I may have written the dark side of life, I do so to highlight the beauty around, the stark differences I find between what I wrote above and what am about to write now … the things that made me smile even as my heart cried, things that gave me hope that life must go on even though my soul felt bleak.

The smile my kids gave me when they saw me soon after getting back from school the love my friends showered me with, their antics n conversations all targeted at making my heart feel light, the listening ear of friends who did not judge , just sat silent hearing me out and wiping my tears, The butterflies I watched outside my window when I wanted to blank my thoughts out. The scenes I saw through my camera lens as I drowned myself in photography, the laughter from the belly my hubby laughed at some inane joke I cracked, the immense satisfaction that I did not give in to my bitterness though I had all reasons to feel bitter ,the thought that my upbringing was strong enough to help me hold my head high and to hold on to my principles even when the going got tough, the refusal to give in to lying even when it offered an easy way out,the wind that touched my face when I felt suffocated, the smell of rain and the water on my face when I walked out to wash the tear trails on my face. The fragrance of freshly washed clothes that I smelt even as I buried my face in them to cry. In the sense of pride I felt at myself for being able to forgive easily….not for the other person only but for myself and pray for them with a clean heart and really mean ing every word of what I ask God .The fact that I can apologize without my EGO getting in the way when I feel I have done some wrong. The sunset and the calm in brings as the day ends …. so much more..

There is beauty in ugliness too…. if only you look for it….if only you decide no matter what you need to Feel Beautiful. I Feel Beautiful just for being alive. How do you feel beautiful???Or what makes you feel beautiful??
Do you see beauty around in small things?

Feeling a lot alone today and thought maybe I may find some solace in words. Words , my best friends from the past six months. They give me company, they give me comfort, they cry with me, they make me laugh, they are constantly with me. They dont leave me alone ever. My constant company ,I either read others words or write mine Words an important form of all forms of communication.But how much do we really think before we speak? Do we need words at all to tell another how we feel?

“No words are necessary between two loving hearts”…Yesterday while talking to my friends they said between friends words are not necessary to let the other know what you feel. It just is understood well enough without words. As they say in the end we dont remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.

Have you come across people who use words instead of action? I believe words are tools of communication but can never replace actions. Then they lose the meaning n become mere letters put together to look good. As Benjamin Franklin says “Words may show a man’s wit, but actions show his meaning”.Words surely help us either verbalise our thoughts or hide them.

“Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few.” Pythagoras says. I guess thats what it is. Speak less, but speak sense, say less but mean a lot. Pay a lot of attention to what words spill out of your mouth for once said its hard to take them back. But even if you have said something you shouldnt, admit to your mistake n ask for forgiveness. Life will be far simpler then.

On that note… “May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.”