Saanams Mind

When I speak about love here, am not talking just about the romantic kind of love but love that exists in every relationship. A person loves you because they love you… no excuses , no conditions…its there and if there is love then it is there anyway , there is no need to wait or try to win that love. No explanations are necessary as explanations cannot make sense of love anyway. If one has this powerful burning need to be loved, or there is a powerful reason to be loved, then that love is very precarious and can easily disappear.

If people tell you they love you because of this, that and attach conditions then that is conditional love that will disappear when the conditions are not met. The sad truth is these people who proclaim to love you don’t really do so even when their expectations or conditions are met because they have a whole new set of rules and conditions for you to follow. This is more about control issues than love. So this is not actually love , its more one wanting a control over another’s life and sadly this kind of love doesn’t last nor is satisfying as once the conditions are met it is often found that a new set of conditions appear.

If one feels love is going to rescue them, that is a clingy kind of love and is dissatisfying as well. They cling so much to the one they love, initially the loved one may feel secure but in time it gets smothering and difficult to handle. They then begin to reject that love. On the other side, the one who rescues you again begins to control you.You may start disliking yourself for being weak and needy.

The only kind of love that I feel is real is the one that comes without conditions. One that just exists for itself, no reasons, no explanations no conditions no excuses…it just is. This love loves you for what you are, the way you do things, your personality, sense of humor, or just because of the way you make them feel good about themselves. This love is the ‘one’ one has to be true to because this person mirrors you the best. There are no tests for acceptance, there is no search for anything more, they are just being themselves and are grateful for it.

What would your thoughts be on this?

“Death is a night that lies between two days”. ~A Jewish saying.

Some fear death, others accept it as a natural phenomena but nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of a loved one to death. They are never going to come back. Never will you see them talking to you, caring about you. Never will you again feel the warmth of their love, never will you hear their laughter again. Those moments that you shared with them are only going to be moments you treasure all your life.

A friend very recently lost their mom when she gave up her battle with cancer a few days ago and it brought back memories that were hidden under a surface all these years.Thoughts of an aunt who was more of my mother haunt me a lot these days. I lost her to cancer 13 and a half years ago . Even while they say time is a healer, have I really gotten over her death? The answer to this would be a no. A huge vaccum is created by her loss, something that never quite filled up even though each one of us who were a part of her life learned to cope with it in time. Tears still fill my eyes when I think of her.

Everytime I hear of death, mourning, etc, I ponder over this. Does one who tells you they understand really understand the pain you go through unless they have experienced the loss of a loved one? We tell ourselves we are accepting it and that we are coping but as I have seen it , in time it just gets worse when the shock wears off and the inevitable slowly sinks in. The person will never be a part of your life again except in our memories and in our hearts.Yes we learn to move on and accept but the pain always remains as a dull throb in our hearts.

Death always brings about many changes. Changes in relationships…so many break ….new ones are formed. Changes in individuals…for better…some for worse. There is lot we question about…where we are headed, maybe the futility of the lives we lead. How petty the issues that we consider huge really are…. the purpose of life… so many thoughts for which we seek answers.

No matter how much we prepare ouselves, we just can never be ready to accept death of a loved one. Even though it is the natural progression of life, the only way our soul knows to move on leaving the body behind, we are always taken unawares when a loved one dies. At a total loss , left without bearings even though we know it happens to each one of us.And it will continue to happen. Many times . But each time it is still a shock. An unbearable loss.

Maybe it is time to acknowledge that life has so much more meaning than the little things that bother us. We have been sent down to earth on borrowed time that is real short…shouldn’t we actually utilise this leased time in a manner that allows us to grow and do good instead of holding us in a time warp…bound by petty feelings of anger, misunderstandings, grudges and hatred??? Because ultimately if you really look you will see we all land up in the same place…below the earth . Death the great leveller makes sure that we go exactly the way we came …carrying with us nothing but the body we came with. So why not really pursue what we are born for .To love, learn, care and share.

Death of a loved one must be just that… a firm lesson to remind us to be grounded …for God is the one who controls it all .

In yesterday’s post, I talked about my cousin ‘Z’ and my instant attachment towards her in a period of ten days. This post is dedicated to my cousin ‘U’ and her 1 1/2 year old baby ‘Y’. Yesterday early morning, we got a call from Pakistan from one of my aunt telling us that ‘U’ has been admitted into the hospital and she’s in quite serious condition. ‘U’ has been diagnosed with an illness she had since 2nd day of her birth, yet no one ever knew about it because ‘U’ was the healthy child as she could ever be. Three years ago, she got married. Exactly fifteen days after her wedding, she started to get very sick. At first doctors could not figure out what was going on, finally after numerous tests, we were told that the glands in her throat are on top of her heart. The illness spread too much and ‘U’ only had little time to live. So when we got the call earlier yesterday, we got really worried because few days before I came back to US, she was doing very well. However, you never know with her health – one day she’s perfectly fine and the next day, she can’t even speak, let alone get up from the bed. Though she has been having treatments, they aren’t really working. She is to have a surgery but there is very little hope with that as well. According to the doctors, there is only 3-4% chance of her either getting well or surviving through/after the surgery. This scares us more because right now at least she gets well and is able to talk but if there is only that little of a chance after the surgery, we don’t want to go for it. Her husband is willing to take even that chance, according to him 3-4% chance is better than having no chance at all. However, every time she is to have a surgery, she ends up having breathing issues or other issues so the surgery keeps getting postponed. In fact, when she was admitted to the hospital yesterday, it was due to the fact that she had stopped breathing. She has been having a lot of breathing problems lately. The doctors put her on oxygen and decided to do a mini operation near her shoulder to clean out the blood in her body. Cleaning out the blood in her body was to make her better, at least that’s what we were hoping for. The doctors had said usually it’s a 3-time procedure but if the 1st time, it works, they will not do it again. However, the reports after this procedure did not come out positive, and now they even have started to feed her through the tubes. It’s heart-breaking to see a 24 year old girl going through this condition.

‘U’ has a beautiful daughter ‘Y’ who is only 1 1/2 years old. Now when the doctors give us no hope about ‘U’, and constantly tell us that we really don’t know how long she’ll live. Could be six months, could be fifteen days or few years. It breaks my heart into pieces when I think of possibility of ‘U’ not surviving. More than anyone, I think of ‘Y’. That little girl is so sensitive and almost as if she knows that her mother is unwell. She though is very little, she takes care of her mother. When she sees that ‘U’ isn’t talking, she starts crying – as if she knows that something is wrong. She never sleeps without her mother, when she senses or doesn’t hear ‘U’ breathing, she calls out to her other family members. Amazing how a child so young can sense such things about their mother.

I don’t want to think otherwise but unfortunately, the circumstances make me think of possibility of ‘Y’ growing up without a mother. If God forbid, something happens to ‘U’, what is going to be the future of ‘Y’? She’s so young right now, she might not even remember ‘U’ when she grows up and if God forbid, she grows up without her mother. What impact is that going to have in her life? I’ve always heard that a child can survive without their father, because the mother can play the role of a father and mother, nurture the child and give them a stable life. But without a mother, the child can not have the same life. The father, no matter how much he tries, can not give what a mother can to the child. I’m sure ‘U’’s husband ‘B’ is an amazing father and will do anything to make sure ‘Y’ has a stable life and a bright future, I just feel it won’t be the same for ‘Y’ or ‘B’. ‘B’ can get married and have a wife, kids but what’s the guarantee that ‘Y’ will get the same love?

In fact, ‘Z’ or ‘H’ have not gotten the love or the nurturing from their step-mother as they would have from their mother. ‘H’ still remembers his mother, still lives with her memories but ‘Z’ does not have much of those memories and as she grows up, she will most likely forget those little memories that she has.

I have observed many of my friends who did not have a mother with them growing up, or in fact, few friends and family members do not have their mothers with them now and to see them break down on every little thing, breaks my heart. So I think that if adults are so sensitive to not having their mom’s with them anymore, then how do children who lose their kids at young age feel? Who do they turn to when they need advice that possibly only a mother can give? How must they feel looking at their friends talking about their mothers? When holidays come around and most kids look forward to gifts or love from their parents, how must they feel?

I have always been very sensitive to such issues, being a Sagittarius, I’m extremely emotional. Little things affect me a lot, but relationships are definitely make me or break me. Having spent time with someone so young who has lost her mother, it has given me so much to think about and so much to look towards in life. It has changed me in some ways more than before because I almost felt like I lived ‘Z’’s life with her, or I tried to so that she didn’t feel as if she was alone or did not have anyone to turn to. It has made me appreciate my relationships much more, especially the relationship of my mother and those who are like mother-figures to me.

Note: I don’t ever talk about personal life on my blog but this is blog is an exception. No actual names of my family members will be used – but this is something I have been wanting to blog about for some time. This blog will be in 2 parts.

As most of you know I went to Pakistan for my cousins wedding this summer, I had a lot of fun. Met few family members I had either never seen or hadn’t seen in almost 10-15 years. In one of those family members included a second cousin. ‘Z’ as I’ll call her for this post is 9-10 years old little girl. She is the daughter of an aunt who passed away five years ago from an ilness that science is discovering now. My aunt was only 32 years old. ‘Z’ was only 4 years old when my aunt died, so she remember her mother little bit not too much. Her father got remarried while my aunt was still alive but because the doctors had given up hope, he decided to get remarried for the sake of the children or so he says. While ‘Z’ now calls that lady ‘mom’, her older brother who is now 17 years old calls her ‘aunty’ because he isn’t able to give the place of his mother to another woman – especially the one who hates him and has done everything she could to get rid of his mother’s memories from the house.

I met ‘Z’ for the first time. I had known about her but never had the chance to meet her even on my previous trips to Pakistan. This was the wedding of her cousins as well. Her khala’s (masis’) son, who happens to be my mamu’s son was getting married. ‘Z’ and ‘H’ – her brother, had come to our house about ten days before the wedding. On the first day they arrived, few members of the family were going to the cemetery, so I asked ‘Z’ if she was going, she said ‘No, I don’t want to go’ while ‘H’ went. I didn’t think anything of it at that time, but later I realized…’Z’ is an extremely sensitive child. During her stay at the house, she became extremely close to me. In fact, she would fight with other kids to have meals with me, go out with me and even sleep with me. I’m not sure what made her and I click but it was an instant friendship we formed. She would come and hug me every few minutes, keep asking everyone about me if I was not at home. My mami made a comment saying ” ‘Z’ has become very attached to Anam because Anam gives her all the attention, makes sure she eats her meals on time, in fact she makes sures that ‘Z’ eats, enjoys herself.” It made me think a lot because it was true. I took extra care of ‘Z’. Something just touched me about her. Maybe it was the fact that she has a ‘mother’ in the house, yet this girl doesn’t eat properly, all her clothes are so big on her, her size is probably below size 0. When ’Z’ was born, her fingers had not fully had their growth, so all her fingers are either barely there or half way. On one hand she has 6 fingers. I had seen her look at other kids in the house when they would call out to their mother for one thing or another. She would have tears in her eyes or she would just leave the room and cry. I would go after her each time, cheer her up and give her treats so she knew she wasn’t alone. 

Before going to sleep each night she would tell me things she remembered about her mom or what her step-mother does or says. Unfortunately, ’Z' was being used by her step-mother and her dadi (grandmother). Her step-mother would tell her to spy on her grandmother and her grandmother would ask her to spy on her step-mother and tell each other what they were saying about each other. ‘Z’ being the child that she is, didn’t understand what they were really doing. I spent few hours one night explaining to her that she should not do that. Hmmm I felt that she didn’t have anyone to explain these things to her. My mami, though tries her best to guide ‘H’ and ‘Z’ to the right path, I felt it’s hard for ‘Z’ to understand as she needs someone to talk to her in her ‘language’ so to say and not as an adult.

During her stay with us, she had fallen sick couple of days before the wedding started. She was running a high fever but did not utter a word. Just like that, I was looking for her and found her sleeping during the day. She never slept during the day unless she was upset. I checked up on her, only to find her body burning. I went to my mami and told her about it. We took ‘Z’ to the hospital only to find out that she was running 102 fever. From that day on, I made sure she was given her medicine on time. ‘Z’ wanted anything but to take the yucky medicine I would run after her and made her take her medicines. I remember few members of the family made comments like ‘Anam takes care of her like a mother.’ How much I wish I could take ’Z’ with me and just keep her with me. I basically had adopted her for the time I spent with her and wished so much to never let her go. She had gotten so used to the idea of me making sure that she had her meals on time that she knew during the wedding, she had to come to me with the plate of food and show me that she was actually eating. Few touchy moments were definitely during the wedding when she would literally make me give her food, as had other kids to their mothers and then would come find me to show me her empty plate.

One particular event had made my heart cry out for her and with her. One night of the wedding we had the ‘tabla’ singers at our house for entertainment. All our guests and other family members had gotten together for a night of great fun. During the night, many people requested one of the singers to sing the song ‘Maa’ (mother) by Abrar-ul-Haq. Many of us had cried during the song not only because of fact that many of us had lost our mothers or mother-like-figures (In my case, my nani (grandmother) was the mother I had lost). Throughout the song, I had my eyes on ‘Z’ & ‘H’ as I knew this would affect them both a lot. Right about in the middle of the song,  ’H’ went out of the room crying. Few minutes later ‘Z’ ran out as well – everyone at the moment knew what was going on. I, myself had been crying to the song but I ran after her. Instead of consoling her, I ended up crying with her. Then we had other people consoling us .

Few days after the wedding, ‘Z’ and ‘H’ had to go back home as their father would not let them stay longer. The morning she left, the girl cried like no tomorrow. Not wanting to go. I had almost begged my mami and her dad to let her stay a bit longer, at least few days more as I too would be leaving soon. Uncle had not agreed. I then made her a promise to call her daily and talk to her. Hmmm the day after she left, I called her and first thing she said to me was ‘Anam baji, I miss you so much. I don’t want to forget your face, please send me your picture. I want to remember you forever’. Me, being the emotional person that I am, ended up crying and closed the phone on her. She, the silly one that she is, thought I did not want to give her the picture and because did not want to say no to her, I just shut the phone down.

From that day onwards, I have made sure to give her a call even if it’s only few minutes each day. Her laughter, her smile, her voice, it touches me so much. I have never felt so attached to a child like I have with her. I realized what a motherless child feels, especially at that age. Understanding everything yet not trying to show your emotions and wishing every moment that your mother was with you. No child wishes to be without a mother but no child wishes to have a step-mother who doesn’t treat you like your own child. Deep down, I truly truly wish I could just adopt her and keep her with me forever. I would do anything just to see her every day and make sure she becomes a little healthier and gets all the happiness she and her brother deserve.

Hmmm…cherish every moment you get with your mom. When she is not there is when you really realize the value of her. God Bless.

This is not about the hungry kids who are struggling everyday for food. This is about kids who are going nowhere as they are hungry for fame. These are the children who reminisce their childhood once they reach dusk of their life. I read in some book where a person quoted, “people who reminisce their childhood days are the one who never enjoyed their childhood”.When I look at todays kids, I fear about their future.

You find these kids who are under pressure from their parents for studies. When I was a kid, I never gave a slot for my play time. But, Today they have slots to for thier freedom.

You find another set of children who are on fast track of Fame search. You can see them in reality shows of TV, through out the year in different channels. Anybody out here to think about their future?.How about kids who are completely depending on these shows but, how many years?. Life will always remain as a search for them.

We desis are the biggest hypocrites in the world. We talk about it but we dont do it. Poeple sitting at home enjoys such programs but how many parents want to see their kids at that place once they know the real theory behind these programs. Why dont parents think about small kids emotions and feelings instead of indulging them into something which are not required at that stage of a kids life?

J F Kennedy said once, “Children are the world’s most valuable resource and its best hope for the future”. Globalization has come up with an impact where everything is just an illusion. There was the time when children used look at the magic shows and love it. Today, somewhere they are trying to be part of magic and lost in the shadows of black deception.

“The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves”- Kahlil Gibran

How house proud are you??? Well I visited someone yesterday and was amazed at the beautiful way the house was kept , spic  n span, beautiful things around and  so beautifully colour co-ordinated  . Reminded me of another home I visited which was so shabby I had walk over a few things strewn over the floor to find a place to rest my feet on. Being interested in house decor and the interiors of the house I guess that is what first catches my eye when I visit homes. Are we as  house proud as we should be?

A clean neat look to any home makes one feel  good about the place but if its sterile , all too musuem like with crystals all over, one can’t really feel at home as the fear is , if one sits down to relax may just wind up breaking something. A cluttered messed up home just about messes up my mind big time . I wonder how ones mind can remain clean , neat and organised when staying in a cluttered  room. The most common excuse being children .

So for me its about having a blend.A neat home  that has warm colours and a lived in feel to it.. with a easy comfort of  allowing someone to relax . I feel we should make our homes and living places a reflection of who we are. A reflection of our personalities . So again I am kind of fastidious so for me cleanliness has to be a priority. I weep when I go into messy kitchens because it makes me wonder what I am putting in my mouth yeah many do make fun of me but when I cook the counters and the floors cannot be messy. So most part of my time in the kitchen is spent mopping and clearing up as soon as there is a spill or a dish is done

The other place I give a lot of importance to is the bedroom as we relax in there. The colours have to be soothing and conducive to sleep. It has to be pleasing , soothing, not too bright and I have noticed, light greens and blues, mauves help me. I feel  a TV is a distraction in bed rooms as it keeps one awake ( Not that I sleep much… I require just 5 hours of sleep a day)  but a TV nevertheless is a distraction.

Another place I have often noticed people neglect is bathrooms …. yewwwwwwwwwwww some of them may be a breeding ground for so many infections… I feel a place you cleanse yourself has to be absolutely clean, else what is the point in  cleaning yourself in a place thats dirty hmm?? So wet bathrooms are a No No No.

The only clutter I allow in my house is the kids room as its their age to mess around and explore . I hope after checking on the rest of the home they will pick up pointers from me later in their lives

Well I guess the messed up home I visited left a sad image of disorganised people whose minds could be as cluttered as where they live.  An image so strong it prompted me to write this .I feel in order to have clean, organised thinking, the place you relax, ,call a home should be the same It helps keep your mind streamlined and clear .. So it would  help to be a little house proud wouldnt you say?

I was going through a friends blog and one thing made me  think a lot about personality traits and how they vary even if you come from  the same gene pool , personalities can be so so different. Inspite of being brought up by the same set of parents, same set of rules and the same atmosphere, brothers and sisters grow up so different from each other and develop individual personalities.The older sibling in most cases assuming responsibilty for the parents, and is held responsible for everything around where as the younger ones sometimes is a lil more go lucky .Some are born caring while the others are just into themselves. I wonder what makes them so . The circumstances of birth, upbringing are all the same but the people turn out so so different.

In some cases some children are absolutely not bothered about their aged parents, they dont give them attention or care and  in some other cases they feel their moral obligation for providing for their parents ends at monetary assistance  forgetting about the emotional and moral support they should be extending towards the people who all their lives put their kids before their own lives. Sometimes one child takes on the responsibility of the parents where as the other is absolved of any such duties. Well , both have the same parents but how do their attitudes differ so much???

Sometimes there is such cases of competition and sibling rivalry its hard to resolve them.As kids , there is something called sibling rivalry where one wants to outsmart the other, but in some cases it goes on to become an unhealthy trend where the competitiveness leads to ugly scenes of disagreements that continues  right into adulthood.

Looking at my own home, I Have a sister 3 years younger than me and we are poles apart.Not just the way we look, the way we think, the way we behave ,the whole personality is absolutely different. What would one attribute it to?

The human mind is so complicated and intrinsic am sure no two minds can be the same. Apart from that the atmosphere around and our individual experiences mould our personalities.So the environment may be different however slight the change and so also the way the kids look at things. Each one wants to be a different individual so they set out to develop different qualities that make them different or stand out Maybe these are the reason siblings are so different from each other.

Woke up to a beautiful day, my mood upbeat and heart light Sometimes I just wonder at myself and why I slip into my morbid moods but the lessons I learn from them are well worth it I guess The sun shines bright out side and am feeling disgustingly positive and happy in my heart (yea yea dil dance maare ) . So many possibilities in life, so much to do and so much to look forward to. Nothing can drag me down anymore yesssss NOTHING n am happy that  I decided to let it be that way

I was  watching this man , a pompous, arrogant , ‘am so full of myself so I throw my weight around kind of a person ‘and just wondered what prompted him to be such a attention seeker and came to the conclusion it was emotional insecurity. The feeling of am not at all worthy of anything and have nothing to add value to so he was pretending to be the opposite so as to get people to notice.Emotional insecurity develops in childhood and  has serious repercussions as one grows up to be an adult. With a low self image these people can either withdraw into themselves and isolate themselves or may get aggressive and arrogant. Either ways it may result in irrational behaviour.

Sometimes we go through Insecurities in our relationships prompting us to behave in a manner most unlikely of us. Jealousy, nagging thoughts about the other, a feeling of helplessness when you feel you can’t sort your problems, feelings of inadequacy of feeling that you are no good for the other person , a sense of not fitting in, all these make one nervous and then a wierd you arises out of a sense of  fear because you feel you can’t handle things. A defense mechanism automatically developed to help cope with the situation.

There are many reasons one may be insecure, a difficult childhood, a personal loss, a failed relationship or just some traumatic experience that makes a person lose that faith in themselves .They have a poorly developed sense of  self concept  that makes the have no belief in themselves, their goodness and strengths…they may not have had proper guidance nor had enough encouragement to booster thier confidence and abilities.They always may have been compared to some achievers or better performers all their lives.

To deal with it one has to accept that one is insecure , have a willingness to change it within themselves, be ready to take risks in order to overcome it, become vulnerable and open themselves to others , again risking hurt.Look at problems rationally , learn assertiveness so as to command respect,try reaching small goals so as to achieve success,break the self doubts they have regarding their capabilities. Letting go of all the baggage that gives them self doubts, all old fears and hurts . Open themselves to the possibility of success and happiness and  reward themselves whenever they succeed however small those successes may be

Listening to a song recommended in a blog  ….If this was the last day of your life…..pondering over  the lyrics, my mind as always whirling with thoughts wondered, if today really was my last day would  I have regrets, would I feel sad? Would I just embrace death or would I beg to live some more to reach for my  unfulfilled dreamz ??  Okie thinking of the last day of my life these are the thoughts that went on in my mind.

I can say this pretty confidently that I have very few regrets in my life. I have been someone who always went with what my heart said and that helps me to a large extent as I have fewer regrets I atleast have the satisfaction of having given it a shot whatever it may be.  So where relationships are concerned , I dont think I would have much to regret about there, for I either care n care  a lot or dont there are no in-betweens   I hardly ever carry grudges and always apologise and ask for forgiveness when I feel I have wronged someone . So no regrets there. Not even for sad moments because they are inevitable in life.

I have always felt if conciously you make an effort to be a good human being and try to hurt as less people as you can, make as much difference as you can in a few lives atleast, its  a life well lived. By that I mean being good to yourself as a person too and treat yourself with care as a precious ,living, breathing human being and treating yourself with respect. So that would also mean a life well lived to me as we hardly are given second chances in life, so the way  we treat others and ourselves is of utmost importance .

Reminds me of what I have been thinking of doing so often, record a few things I want my boys to learn Writing my will so that  I leave no  confusions behind me. I want  to donate  my mortal remains to a medical college after whatever organs that may come of use is donated to someone who needs it. I hope in death too I can be of use to someone .

As for unfulfilled dreams, maybe I should complete my bucket list,  things I want to do before I kick the  bucket and start getting at them one by one. I have started with one a couple of days back and have every intention of  following through with them. Even if I dont complete it, I atleast tried  and that should be good enough. So am sure most dreams will work out by then. (One is to visit as many places as I can in the world and see the diffrent wonders the world and nature has to offer, capture pictures and bind them together as memoirs **sigh** something I so want to do in my life…. but even if I dont its alright what is meant to be is meant to be )

Now if I get this done then I guess the last day of my life  will be one I could  face with upfront the way we should.

I sometimes wonder why when it is some people, no matter what they do, how shabbily they treat you or how hurt you are by their actions, you dont have it in you to get mad, angry at them . Inspite of knowing, if it was someone else you probably would have made mincemeat of them, you make excuses for their sorry behaviour. I guess it has all to do with how you feel about that person.

Was thinking of what I read yesterday about life being 10% of what goes out of your control and 90% of how you react to it.If you really look at it it definitely makes so much sense. When you dont react violently  or react positively everything around you changes Sometimes if you notice the day starts with you reacting to something and then things just go from bad  worse. If you react in a different way maybe things work out well.

The following story sent to me cites an example of a man at a breakfast table, his daughter knocks a cup of coffee over him and he loses his cool as he was all dressed for work. After letting his temper loose on his  daughter he lets it wash over his wife screaming at her for keepin the coffee mug on the edge of the table. He goes up to change , gets back to see his daughter missed her school bus as she was crying and hadnt finished her breakfast. His wife, as she was running late to work, can’t drop the daughter to school and so he has to do it . He does that only to have his kid walk off without a bye or a thank you as he yelled at her. He reaches office late and then notices in this confusion he left his briefcase behind at home and so on….the day gets worse. Come evening he just wants to go home to his family and relax only to see both the wife and daughter sulking because of what happened the morning…he had driven a wedge in those relationships that morning. If you look at it his REACTION was what creted so many things. Now look at the same scenario but a different reaction.  If all that the man had done when the daughter had  spilt coffee over him was say’ Its alright maybe you need to be more careful the next time ‘ and gone to change his shirt, the kid would have finished  breakfast n caught the school bus and things would have gone on as normal . No confusions, no mess ups and the relationships would have been the same.

Isn’t this story something all of us need to learn from.   I have realised that our actions and reactions are the only things we can control, Everything else is totally beyond our control and  wishes. When we do react consciously making an effort not to hurt n upset others our life becomes so much a better place to be in People will take care to make sure they take count of your feelings when they deal with you too. Not always…. but most of the time . So I guess everything is in our hands , how we deal with things and react to them.